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Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Every school teaches academic knowledge to their students. Among all, the students from age 11 to 13 are different from others. Students within the ages are crucial because, at this stage they prepare themselves for a better future. Besides, European countries children within this age learn practical skills from institutions. However, children from other side of the globe teaches general academic education. In my point of view every educational institution around the world should follow the European schools. Nowadays, practical skills are essential for better careers. Practical skills added value to a candidate in the working arena. It increases the chance of a candidate to get lucrative job. Particularly, European candidates are more ahead than the rest of the participants. Behind the reason is, as they were taught constructive proficiency in the beginning of their lives from an academic institution, so, they are more skilled than the rest. Even though, Students who receive such constructive techniques from educational centre, they receive added value in various ways. Such learner help themselves to cope-up with the competitive business arena. Furthermore, functional tutorials increase their knowledge and it will make them exceptional from others. Lastly, these practical skills makes children’s more focus in their future life. For example, It makes mature enough the learners that what will they do in their future life. On the other side, general education is also necessary, if anyone does not know the basic knowledge they how he/she could compete in the competitive world. It is undoubtedly true that, basic tuitions are essential, but also functional tutorials together make students stronger. In conclusion, it can be suggested that every school around the universe should include practical education as a mandatory course in their curriculum.
Every school teaches academic knowledge to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Among all, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from age 11 to 13 are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
within the ages are crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at this stage they prepare themselves for a better future.
Besides
, European countries children within this age learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from institutions.
However
, children from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the globe teaches general academic education. In my point of view every educational institution around the world should follow the European schools.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are essential for better careers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
value to a candidate in the working arena. It increases the chance of a candidate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lucrative job.
Particularly
, European candidates are more ahead than the rest of the participants. Behind the reason is, as they
were taught
constructive proficiency in the beginning of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from an academic institution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are more skilled than the rest.

Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who receive such constructive techniques from educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, they receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
value in various ways. Such learner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
themselves to cope-up with the competitive business arena.
Furthermore
, functional tutorials increase their knowledge and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them exceptional from others.
Lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
children’s more
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their future life.
For example
, It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the learners that what will they do in their future life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, general education is
also
necessary, if anyone does not know the basic knowledge they how he/she could compete in the competitive world. It is
undoubtedly
true that, basic
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
are essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
functional tutorials together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
stronger.

In conclusion
, it can
be suggested
that every school around the universe should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
education as a mandatory course in their curriculum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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