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TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v.2

TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 2
Needless to say, films and television sets, the souvenir of the twentieth century, are one of the most significant innovations of the last decades. However, it has long since been a matter of hot debates whether this novelty has a positive impression on our behavior or a negative effect, and by the same token, how it affects our lives? In my opinion television and films have a benign influence on human beings' behavior. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explain in this essay. The first an the most prominent reason that comes to my mind is that sports programs motivate people toward sports. On the other hand, a person who is a fan of a specific sport know the athletes which are involved in that sport and try to behave like them. For example, my brother is a fan of football games. He not only supports his favorite team by going to the stadium in all home matches but also he watches all the matches on the television. When I was a child I never liked football matches until my brother convinced me to watch a competition on the television. Although I did not know the players and the rules of the game, I enjoyed that match. After that day, I always followed the games of that team which I have watched its match. This stimulated me to be a football player, as a result, I started to do training and I am a football player at this time. All in all, in the light of watching just one football match, I have been motivated to act like an athlete and to start being involved in sports. Secondly, television programs, especially films, are one of the best selections for free times. In the other words, after a tough day, people lessen their stress and behaves less violently by refreshing their morale by watching television programs. For instance, my father works for an organization as an employee. His work is really tough and he works twelve hours a day. When he arrives home, he is exhausted and does not speak to anyone, however, his first and the best option for increasing his soul is watching a film. He is a fan of comedy movies and laughs a lot while watching television. After a couple of minutes, he revives his spirits and starts to speak with us and telling jokes. Consequently, a few minutes in front of the television are like a curative drug for my father and refreshes his mind so as a result, he acts more kindly. To put in the nutshell, I have personally subscribed to the view that television and films affect our lives and especially they have a positive influence by refreshing the tired brains and familiarize people by sports and athletes. It is the high time program producers spent much efforts to make their products much useful with informative contents.
Needless to say, films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
sets, the souvenir of the twentieth century, are one of the most significant innovations of the last decades.
However
, it has long since been a matter of hot debates whether this novelty has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impression on our behavior or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect, and by the same token, how it affects our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
? In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and films have a benign influence on human
Possible spelling mistake found.
beings&
#039; behavior. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay.

The
first
Did you mean "and" or "any"?
an
the most prominent reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
On the other hand
, a person who is a fan of a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
know the athletes which
are involved
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and try to behave like them.
For example
, my brother is a fan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
games. He not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
supports his favorite team by going to the stadium in all home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. When I was a child I never liked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
until my brother convinced me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a competition on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Although I did not know the players and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of the game, I enjoyed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
. After that day, I always followed the games of that team which I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
. This stimulated me to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
player,
as a result
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
training and
I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
player at this time. All in all, in the light of watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
, I have
been motivated
to act like an athlete and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
being involved
in sports.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
especially
films, are one of the best selections for free times. In the other words, after a tough day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lessen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and behaves less
violently
by refreshing their morale by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For instance
, my father works for an organization as an employee. His work is
really
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tough and
he works twelve hours a day. When he arrives home, he
is exhausted
and does not speak to anyone,
however
, his
first
and the best option for increasing his soul is watching a film. He is a fan of comedy movies and laughs a lot while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. After a couple of minutes, he revives his spirits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to speak with us and telling jokes.
Consequently
, a few minutes in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are like a curative drug for my father and refreshes his mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a result
, he acts more kindly.

To put in the nutshell, I have
personally
subscribed to the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and films affect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
especially
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence by refreshing the tired brains and familiarize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and athletes. It is the high time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
producers spent
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their products much useful with informative contents.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay How do movies or television influence people s behavior Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
489 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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