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How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.3

How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 3
Some people believe that early technological advancements have improved the daily lives of humans to a greater extent than recent technological breakthroughs. However, I completely disagree with that opinion since the development in the technological field, both previous and current, have improved our lives tremendously. It is true that the early technological advancements have helped and changed the way of people's life. The telephone, for instance, at the time of its invention revolutionised communication, keeping people connected beyond geographical barriers. Furthermore, the invention of different modes of transportation in the olden times, such as steam engine trains and cars, improved connectivity. In other words, people could travel from one place to the other beyond travel on foot, goods could also be transported and traded with ease beyond the distance. Also, the previous technological developments certainly have laid the foundation for newer advancements to take place. Indeed, recent developments in technology have immensely made lives easier for ordinary people as well. Notably, the invention of the Internet has not only improved the knowledge-seeking process, but also transformed the way business is carried out through e-commerce. Furthermore, with the latest technological breakthroughs, our lives are further made simpler. As an example, mobile phones, besides bridging the communication gap, surely serve multiple other functions such as a camera, an alarm and even a voice recorder. Though it is a metamorphosis of early telephone, mobile phone is one gadget most of us cannot live without nowadays due to its multifunctionality. In conclusion, I vehemently disagree with the position that early technological advancements, compared to new-era developments, have changed the lives of ordinary people to a greater extent. I believe, both era developments have their own merits and in combination have improved our quality of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of humans to a greater extent than recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
breakthroughs.
However
, I completely disagree with that opinion since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
field, both previous and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
tremendously
.

It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. The telephone,
for instance
, at the time of its invention
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
communication, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connected beyond geographical barriers.
Furthermore
, the invention of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of transportation in the olden times, such as steam engine trains and cars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
connectivity.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could travel from one place to the other beyond travel on foot,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
could
also
be transported
and traded with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
beyond the distance.
Also
, the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
certainly
have laid the foundation for newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
to take place.

Indeed
, recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in technology have
immensely
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easier for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
.
Notably
, the invention of the Internet has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
the knowledge-seeking process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
transformed the way business
is carried
out through e-commerce.
Furthermore
, with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
breakthroughs, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are
further
made simpler. As an example, mobile phones,
besides
bridging the communication gap,
surely
serve multiple other functions such as a camera, an alarm and even a voice recorder. Though it is a metamorphosis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
telephone, mobile phone is one gadget most of us cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without nowadays due to its
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifunctionality
.

In conclusion
, I
vehemently
disagree with the position that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
, compared to new-era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to a greater extent. I believe, both era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and in combination have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improved
our quality of life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay How do movies or television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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