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TOEFL essay: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go a vacation or buy a car, you friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use. v.2

TOEFL essay: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go a vacation or buy a car, you friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use. v. 2
In terms of ethics, people are different to each other, actually their behavior are different too. Thus, some of them are misery and thrifty. These people just think about future also, they don’t like to pay money several time for all trifle things, the other one are generous and just enjoy their life without any storing money. in my opinion, if my friends received some money, he should go on vacation around the world. First, when somebody find huge money, the logical way is storing half of it in bank and then buy a thing that he likes it very much and he has some schedule to buy it, for some people is buying their favorite and expensive car, is a, enormous dream. They actually like to have luxurious car like as black Ferrari or orange Bugatti to show off to other and proud themselves. Last year my boyfriend win in lottery and he bought a red Bugatti, by the way that was a fabulous feeling on that time. Second, some people are stingy and they just think when they received huge money the better way is do not waste in traveling when they buy something as a car, it has own price and if they need that money they can sell it. For example, my father never goes on travel but, he always buys gold and car or he investments his money on differences company to increase his money up. Third, going on vacation has lots of advantages like as finding new friends and submit lots of memory that never forgot it, and experiences to camping in natural places, is like as waking up in heaven in middle of wonderful sights of the world. Actually, traveling to different countries is exciting to know about different cultures and people. For example, in 2016, I traveled to Kenya, and that was the perfect vacation I’ve ever had. The weather always blurs, and we couldn’t see our way. We should confine our steps and have caution. also, one of our member team was jolly person and made all of us to laughter. In conclusion, people have different tact about how enjoying their life. some people drown in make money and their own business and the other one decided to traveling around the world whole time of their life.
In terms of ethics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, actually their behavior are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
too.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are misery and thrifty. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about future
also
, they don’t like to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Possible agreement error. The noun time seems to be countable; consider using: "several times".
several time
for all trifle things, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
one are generous and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoy their life without any storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion, if my friends received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he should go on vacation around the world.

First
, when somebody
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "finds".
find
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the logical way is storing half of it in bank and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a thing that he likes it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
much and
he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schedule to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
buying their favorite and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, is
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a,
enormous dream. They actually like to have luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
like as black Ferrari or orange Bugatti to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and proud themselves. Last year my boyfriend win in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lottery and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a red Bugatti, by the way that was a fabulous feeling on that time.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stingy and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when they received huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the better way is
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not waste in traveling when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
something as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
price and if they need that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can sell it.
For example
, my father never goes on travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, he always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buys
gold and
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car or
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'he'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
he investments
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on differences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to increase his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
up.

Third, going on vacation has lots of advantages like as finding new friends and submit lots of memory that never forgot it, and experiences to camping in natural places, is like as waking up in heaven in middle of wonderful sights of the world. Actually, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries is exciting to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in 2016, I traveled to Kenya, and that was the perfect vacation I’ve ever had. The weather always blurs, and we couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our way. We should confine our steps and have caution.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, one of our member team was jolly person and made all of us to laughter.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Did you mean "different tack"?
different tact
about how enjoying their life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drown in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
one decided to traveling around the world whole time of their life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: A friend of yours has received some money and plans to use all of it either to go a vacation or buy a car, you friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend’s two choices and explain which one you think your friend should choose. Use. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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