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It is argued that getting married before finishing school or getting a job is not a good choice. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is argued that getting married before finishing school or getting a job is not a good choice. v. 2
Someone said that marriage is big responsibility. Family members and friends always argue that marriage before school and job is not good choice. Actually I agree with them because, firstly we you are marring you must be capable of taking all responsibility of other person financially and mentally. In order to do this u must finish graduation to get a good job. Its not good that your parents are taking your care of your expenses and instead of helping them you just increase their responsibility. By the time we get graduate degree parents are at the age of their retirement. If we ignore this parents may face lots of difficulty. So its always good take our responsibility. When we are getting married we need to be mentally strong also because after that we are supposed to take care of whole family and ourselves. While being together as couple we must support each other. Together both husband and wife build their goals including trips, illness, new home, kids, their education and many other small things. If we try to these all things before finishing school and getting job. We will not able to focus on both things at a time. Human mind is designed as such that we can concentrate on one matter at a time otherwise there are possibilities of failing in all. For getting job and to finish school we are supposed to dedicate all our time for study only. Many schools have tough schedule. While following schedule we might ignore many important moments of our life. I am girl. My marriage was fixed when I was only 21 yrs old and he was 22 yrs old. We both were studding at that time. We postponed our marriage and focused on studies and well paid job so that we can live happily together. In this time we could hardly find time for each other and family. After 5 yrs today we both have job, a good home and enough bank balance so that we can spend our life without any tensions. In this years we faced many difficulties while doing this all if we were married it would have been really difficult to do all. Now we are getting married this month. Now we both are ready to take all responsibilities together and we are ready financially as well as mentally. From my experience i totally agree that we must finish our studies and get job before marriage.
Someone said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
. Family members and friends always argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
choice. Actually I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
firstly
we you are marring you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be capable of taking all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person
financially
and mentally. In order to do this u
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
finish graduation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Its not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
that your parents are taking your care of your expenses and
instead
of helping them you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
. By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
graduate degree parents are at the age of their retirement.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this parents may face lots of difficulty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
its always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
take our responsibility.

When we are getting married we need to be mentally strong
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after that we
are supposed
to take care of whole family and ourselves.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
being together as couple we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Together both husband and wife build their goals including trips, illness, new home, kids, their education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things. If we try to these all things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. We will not able to focus on both things at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Human mind
is designed
as such that we can concentrate on one matter at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
otherwise
there are possibilities of failing in all. For getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and to finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
we
are supposed
to dedicate all our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have tough schedule.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
following schedule we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moments of our life.

I am girl. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
when I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
21 yrs
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
he was 22 yrs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. We both were studding at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We postponed our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and focused on studies and well paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
together. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we could hardly find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and family. After 5 yrs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we both have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
bank balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can spend our life without any tensions. In
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this years
we faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties while doing this all if we
were married
it would have been
really
difficult to do all.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we are getting married this month.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we both are ready to take all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
we are ready
financially
as well
as mentally. From my experience
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
finish our studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is argued that getting married before finishing school or getting a job is not a good choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
409 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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