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some people like to go to the same places for their vacations. Other people like to take their vacations in different places. Which one do you prefer? v.2

some people like to go to the same places for their vacations. Other people like to take their vacations in different places. Which one do you prefer? v. 2
There are certain people who prefer to take their vacations in the same place. When they return from a vacation, they ask themselves, “When can I go back there again? ” On the other hand/However, there are people who would rather visit many places. Moreover/Furthermore, they enjoy doing many different things on their vacations. When they return from a vacation, they ask themselves, “Where can I go and what can I do next? ” My parents are perfect examples of the first kind of people. They always go to a lake in the mountains. They first went there on their honeymoon, and several years later they bought a vacation cabin there. They have gone there two or three times a year for over thirty years. They have made friends with the people who also own cabins there and often get together with them. My mother enjoys sailing and swimming while my father prefers to go fishing. My parents like variety, but they say they can get variety by going to their cabin at different times of the year. They particularly like to go there in the autumn when the leaves are changing color. Personally, I feel it’s important to visit different places. Of course, when I was a child, I went to my parents’ cabin with them for my vacation, but when I got older, I began to want to travel to many different places. I enjoy skiing; however, the ski resorts in my country are very crowded and expensive. I would rather go skiing in Switzerland or in Canada. My favorite subject at the university was ancient history; therefore, I like to visit historic places. Several years ago, I traveled to Angkor Wat in Cambodia with my uncle and aunt. I also want to visit the pyramids in Egypt; furthermore/moreover, I’d like to see Machu Picchu in Peru. My parents believe that you can never get to know a place too well. I understand their point of view. However, I find that going to strange places is more exciting. I don’t want to go to the same place twice because the world is so huge and exciting.
There are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. When they return from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, they ask themselves, “When can I go back there again? ”
On the other hand
/
However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
/
Furthermore
, they enjoy doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. When they return from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, they ask themselves, “Where can I go and what can I do
next
? ”

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are perfect examples of the
first
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They always go to a lake in the mountains. They
first
went there on their honeymoon, and several years later they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cabin
there.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
have gone there two or three times a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for over thirty years.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
have made friends with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cabins
there and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together with them. My mother enjoys sailing and swimming while my father prefers to go fishing. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like variety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they say they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
variety by going to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cabin
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
times of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. They
particularly
like to go there in the autumn when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
are changing color.

Personally
, I feel it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Of course
, when I was a child, I went to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cabin
with them for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
older, I began to want to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. I enjoy skiing;
however
, the ski resorts in my country are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crowded and expensive. I would
rather
go skiing in Switzerland or in Canada. My favorite subject at the university was ancient history;
therefore
, I like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Several years ago, I traveled to Angkor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wat
in Cambodia with my uncle and aunt. I
also
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the pyramids in Egypt;
furthermore
/
moreover
, I’d like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Machu Picchu in Peru.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that you can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
too well. I understand their point of view.
However
, I find that going to strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is more exciting. I don’t want to go to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
huge and exciting.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay some people like to go to the same places for their vacations. Other people like to take their vacations in different places. Which one do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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