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The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v.2

The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v. 2
Every invention every new technology are making our life easier and guaranteed. Even engineers and researchers are developing so many useful ideas everyday, you must know that almost all the fundamental principles of everything, including, living organisms, computer technologies and physics of life, were already invented in the twentieth century. For me, the most crucial invention that we must remember was the identification of DNA structure. Every invasive and non invasive disease diagnosing technology, genetically modified organisms and treatment technology development are based on the understanding the DNA structure. DNA is a tiny molecules that is contained in every single cell of a living organisms. It defines how we look, how we talk, how we act and even what kind of disease we tend to have. Like it defines, it is stable which can be stored from ancestors to descendants. As I have written above, DNA based disease diagnosing technology is highly specific and guaranteed way to now if I am ill and how bad it is. Let`s imagine that you have a helicobacter infection. In order to take the treatment, you have to be proven by diagnosing it by giving a biological sample-biopsy, blood, saliva, gastric biopsy etc. Experts will isolate the helicobacter DNA from the sample and put it into machine which can count the number of bacterial DNA. The more DNA counted on the machine, the more you tend to ill hard. As the number of people who live on the earth increase, the more food resourse will be required to keep them alive. Starvation is the biggest problem that 5 people die because of lack of nutrition supply. Researchers have been working really hard to investigate the technology which can make plenty of food by using limited amount of resource. As a result, they created the genetically modified plants, including corn, rise and many other plants. It gives us an opportunity to grow fast growing, non pesticides or insecticides using and resistant to environmental stress plant. For example, genetic engineers put particular DNA sequence of insect into a corn DNA sequence in order to make it resistant to insects. By modifying the DNA, we do not only save the natural resourses we save time, money and many people`s live who might have died because of starving. There are only two main problems which the doctors are facing. First is they still could not find the way to live forever, second is they still not able to treat tumor perfectly. Even so, many researchers are still trying to figure out these problems. In order to find, they use some DNA technologies too. For instance, they put tumor inducing DNA sequence into model organisms and make them artificially ill. Moreover, they try different types of treatment chemicals to see if it works or not. Since what we know is small in contrast to what we do not know, they still could not find the answer. In twentieth century almost all of the main principles on the earth had already investigated. As a bioengineer, I see the determination of DNA structure influenced a lot to improve the life quality of human. Highly specific diagnosing, treatment and research technology, all of them works by knowing the DNA characteristics. People have used it to make many things, they are still using it and I hope that they will keep using it to make brighter life for all the living organisms on the earth.
Every invention every new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are making our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier and guaranteed. Even engineers and researchers are developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know that almost all the fundamental principles of everything, including, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organisms
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and physics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, were already invented in the twentieth century. For me, the most crucial invention that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember was the identification of DNA structure. Every invasive and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non invasive
disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diagnosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organisms
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development
are based
on the understanding the DNA structure.

DNA is a tiny
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "molecule"?
molecules
that
is contained
in every single cell of a living
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "organism"?
organisms
. It defines how we look, how we talk, how we act and even what kind of disease we tend to have. Like it defines, it is stable which can
be stored
from ancestors to descendants. As I have written above, DNA based disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diagnosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
highly
specific and guaranteed way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
if I am ill and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
it is.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
`s imagine that you have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
helicobacter
infection. In order to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be proven
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diagnosing
it by giving a biological sample-biopsy, blood, saliva, gastric biopsy etc. Experts will isolate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
helicobacter
DNA from the sample and put it into machine which can count the number of bacterial DNA. The more DNA counted on the machine, the more you tend to ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

As the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the earth increase, the more food
Possible spelling mistake found.
resourse
will
be required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them alive. Starvation is the biggest problem that 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of nutrition supply. Researchers have been working
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to investigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of food by using limited amount of resource.
As a result
, they created the
genetically
modified plants, including corn, rise and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other plants. It gives us an opportunity to grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing, non pesticides or insecticides using and resistant to environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
plant.
For example
, genetic engineers put particular DNA sequence of insect into a corn DNA sequence in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it resistant to insects. By modifying the DNA, we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save the natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
resourses
we save time, money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
who might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of starving.

There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two main problems which the doctors are facing.
First
is they
still
could not find the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
forever, second is they
still
not able to treat tumor
perfectly
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers are
still
trying to figure out these problems. In order to find, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
DNA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
too.
For instance
, they put tumor inducing DNA sequence into model
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organisms
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
artificially
ill.
Moreover
, they try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
chemicals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if it works or not. Since what we know is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
in contrast
to what we do not know, they
still
could not find the answer.

In twentieth century almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
main principles on the earth had already investigated. As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bioengineer
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the determination of DNA structure influenced a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality of human.
Highly
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diagnosing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
and research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, all of them works by knowing the DNA characteristics.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things, they are
still
using it and I hope that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for all the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organisms
on the earth.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay The twentieth century was great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about the twentieth century? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
572 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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