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Today's society is considered as materialistic. What are the reasons behind it? Give example. v.1

Today's society is considered as materialistic. What are the reasons behind it? Give example. v. 1
Today's world is reeling under the materialism. It seems that trying to pursue material things over the personal values like love and friendships has become the new noun of today's company. Although materialism is associated with spending more money and debt problems yet people believe that owning and buying things are necessary means to achieve important life goals such as happiness, success and respect. This essay will shed some light on the reasons supporting the materialism in the following segments. One of the basic reasons behind it is that in today's society, people thrive to conquer more and more stuff in order to be happy as almost everyone tend to believe that the more we have, the better we are. Consequently, community always puts a person on a higher level with a lot or more luxuries that actually tends to be a measure of success in today's lives. People like to get admired by those who have less than you, and apparently, this is where materialism comes in. Another reason that hence linked with the materialism is media exposure that results in the wide field of information about shopping centres, technological gadgets and other sources like magazines, movies and music videos. By spending more time on social media rather than family, people have become more status conscious. The only purpose of life is to live a luxurious life by harnessing all the things available on above resources just to become a part of the elite of humanity by raising the brand culture. At last, I will pen down, saying that buying more things is self-destructive because it leads to depression, anxiety and all other worldly issues. Everyone needs a logical, rational and balanced approach towards buying different products from various sources.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today's
world is reeling under the materialism. It seems that trying to pursue material things over the personal values like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and friendships has become the new noun of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Although materialism
is associated
with spending more money and debt problems
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that owning and buying things are necessary means to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life goals such as happiness, success and respect. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the reasons supporting the materialism in the following segments.

One of the basic reasons behind it is that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thrive to conquer more and more stuff in order to be happy as almost everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tends", "tended".
tend
to believe that the more we have, the better we are.
Consequently
, community always puts a person on a higher level with a lot or more luxuries that actually tends to be a measure of success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admired by those who have less than you, and
apparently
, this is where materialism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in.

Another reason that
hence
linked with the materialism is media exposure that results in the wide field of information about shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, technological gadgets and other sources like magazines, movies and music videos. By spending more time on social media
rather
than family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more status conscious. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
purpose of life is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life by harnessing all the things available on above resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to become a part of the elite of humanity by raising the brand culture.

At last, I will pen down, saying that buying more things is self-destructive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to depression, anxiety and all other worldly issues. Everyone needs a logical, rational and balanced approach towards buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products from various sources.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Today's society is considered as materialistic. What are the reasons behind it? Give example. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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