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People are becoming more materialistic than ever. v.1

People are becoming more materialistic than ever. v. 1
In the wake of globalisation and technological advancements, people have abundant opportunities to excel in their career and earn more money. Have it been political, engineering or medical regime, every professional is participating in the race of competitive markets! Does it mean human has transformed into a materialistic creature? This is a subject of dissension. In apropos of the argument, I am in a consummate accord with it and I believe denizens prefer luxury and lavishness and they are happy to sacrifice humanity for it. To begin with, nowadays people are educated than ever and competitive as well. However, there are lesser jobs to employ individuals. Thus, lack of demand has made the competition among people imperative and as a result, they have lost humanitarian values and converted materialistic. For an instance, as per a survey by the human values department in the USA, 70% of people confirmed to give up human values for higher growth opportunities. Admittedly, it can be contended that people prefer future prospects to moral and human values. In addition, development of manifold electronic and daily usage gadgets have germinated a desire of prosperity among dwellers. Everyone is keen to furnish their homes with new furniture, latest electronic devices to stamp out their place as an emblem of richness. Evidently, it has developed a mindset of materialistic attainment among the denizen. To conclude, owing to technological and social revolution, it is evident that the humankind is transforming in nature and this phenomenon will go on due to the development of new products and human's accelerating desire to own them.
In the wake of
globalisation
and technological advancements,
people
have abundant opportunities to excel in their career and earn more money. Have it been political, engineering or medical regime, every professional is participating in the race of competitive markets! Does it mean
human
has transformed into a materialistic creature? This is a subject of dissension. In apropos of the argument, I am in a consummate accord with it and I believe denizens prefer luxury and
lavishness and
they are happy to sacrifice humanity for it.

To
begin
with, nowadays
people
are educated
than ever and competitive
as well
.
However
, there are lesser jobs to employ individuals.
Thus
, lack of demand has made the competition among
people
imperative and
as a result
, they have lost humanitarian values and converted materialistic. For an instance, as per a survey by the
human
values department in the USA, 70% of
people
confirmed to give up
human
values for higher growth opportunities.
Admittedly
, it can
be contended
that
people
prefer future prospects to moral and
human
values.

In addition
, development of manifold electronic and daily usage gadgets have germinated a desire of prosperity among dwellers. Everyone is keen to furnish their homes with new furniture,
latest
electronic devices to stamp out their place as an emblem of richness.
Evidently
, it has developed a mindset of materialistic attainment among the denizen.

To conclude
, owing to technological and social revolution, it is evident that the humankind is transforming in nature and this phenomenon will go on due to the development of new products and human's accelerating desire to
own
them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming more materialistic than ever. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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