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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. what are the reasons for this? is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. what are the reasons for this? is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Today, many celebrities get paid higher bucks than politicians. Also, there are a few reasons why famous personalities are earning more money? First and foremost, it shows their status and brand marketing across the globe. I personally believe that this has been a positive development. On the one hand, why celebrities earn a huge payment? Mainly, famous personalities have created name and status through their field, especially in the entertainment industry. Here, they get an opportunity to earn wages in many ways, such as adverts and other events apart from movies. Indeed, celebrities become role model for younger generations in the entire world than politicians. Interestingly, many celebrities contributing some part of their earnings in the welfare of society or noble cause. For Example, currently whole earth is suffering from COVID-19 pandemic and here a majority of well known people are becoming a part by donating huge funds to public in different ways such as food and so on. On the other hand, noted celebrities from sports background also earn more money by their brand and marketing. Moreover, they are wealthier than politicians by their reputation. Additionally, sportsmen are advertising many great products like Nike and Adidas as many millions of people are following them. Hence, great celebrities like Cristiano Ronaldo and Rafael Nadal are establishing sports academies and providing charities to many organisations. For Instance, recently Ronaldo has donated all restaurants for the public who are suffering from corona virus and made all them as hospitals. In Conclusion, entertainers are earning more cash than politicians with their market value. I believe it has a positive effect on society as they are supporting many people and organisations and becoming wealthier.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid higher bucks than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
Also
, there are a few reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities are earning more money?
First
and foremost, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their status and brand marketing across the globe. I
personally
believe that this has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

On the one hand, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn a huge payment?
Mainly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities have created name and status through their field,
especially
in the entertainment industry. Here, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to earn wages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as adverts and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
apart from movies.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
become role model for younger generations in the entire world than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
contributing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their earnings in the welfare of society or noble cause.
For Example
,
currently
whole earth is suffering from COVID-19 pandemic and here a majority of well known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming a part by donating huge funds to public in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways such as food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
, noted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
from sports background
also
earn more money by their brand and marketing.
Moreover
, they are wealthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
by their reputation.

Additionally
, sportsmen are advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great products like Nike and Adidas as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are following them.
Hence
, great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
like Cristiano Ronaldo and Rafael
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadal
are establishing sports academies and providing charities to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
For Instance
, recently Ronaldo has donated all restaurants for the public who are suffering from
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
and made all them as hospitals.

In Conclusion
, entertainers are earning more cash than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
with their market value. I believe it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on society as they are supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and becoming wealthier.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. what are the reasons for this? is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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