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Many people think that many youngsters today are too materialistic, money-oriented and not charitable. Agree/Disagree v.1

Many people think that many youngsters today are too materialistic, money-oriented and not charitable. Agree/Disagree v. 1
Unemployment, illiteracy and corruption are the root cause of poverty in any country. It is not the money, but a good infrastructure that can mitigate the suffering of poor’s. Therefore, I firmly believe that it is an erroneous assumption that poor countries can overcome poverty by financial support of developed nations. Education is a single good investment in order to create a prosperous and equitable society. Education is solely capable of wiping out poverty and other issues such as corruption, street crime and recidivism. Therefore, Instead of giving financial support to the poorer countries, developed countries should rather heed to improve the infrastructure of the schooling system particularly government schools. Quality Education in government schools creates awareness among the poor people and make them qualified enough to support their family in overcoming poverty. For Instance, China is helping out its neighbouring countries to improve the quality of education in schools so that the children can learn about latest technologies. Moreover, besides investing on educational system, there is a lot more a developed nation can do to help poorer countries. Setting up different industries in such countries is a prime example. This will create a lot of employment opportunities for the people who are poor and unable to support their family. Another effective way of overcoming poverty is the use of technology. Implementing new ideas and investing in startups will not only solve the problem faced by general public, but also sometimes create multiple job opportunities for uneducated people. Uber, For example, is helping such people. It is not only addressing the transportation issue, but you can also work with them as a driver to earn for your family. Investing in a country that is suffering from lack of infrastructure is just like watering a dead plant. Therefore, In conclusion, without any denial, the developed nation should help the countries in overcoming the issues that cause poverty rather than just helping them financially. And if they are supporting them financially, there should be proper accountability of government officials, bureaucrats and politicians so that they are obliged to make a right investment that can be beneficial for the country on a long term.
Unemployment, illiteracy and corruption are the root cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is not the money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure that can mitigate the suffering of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor’s
.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that it is an erroneous assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
by financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nations.

Education is a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
investment in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a prosperous and equitable society. Education is
solely
capable of wiping out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and other issues such as corruption, street crime and recidivism.
Therefore
,
Instead
of giving financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
rather
heed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the infrastructure of the schooling system
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schools. Quality Education in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their family in overcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
For Instance
, China is helping out its
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of education in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the children can learn about
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies.

Moreover
,
besides
investing on educational system, there is a lot more a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nation can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Setting up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a prime example. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employment opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their family. Another effective way of overcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. Implementing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and investing in startups will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solve the problem faced by
Consider using "public".
general public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
multiple job opportunities for uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Uber,
For example
, is helping such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
addressing the transportation issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can
also
work with them as a driver to earn for your family.

Investing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that is
suffering from lack of infrastructure is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like watering a dead plant.
Therefore
,
In conclusion
, without any denial, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
nation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in overcoming the issues that cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
helping them
financially
. And if they are supporting them
financially
, there should be proper accountability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials, bureaucrats and politicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are obliged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right investment that can be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on a long term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Many people think that many youngsters today are too materialistic, money-oriented and not charitable. Agree/Disagree v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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