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Today, We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v.1

Today, We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 1
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. The usage of computers in each and every field has increased steadily. Some people opine that we increasingly depend on the computers whereas the others argue that some innate abilities of men cannot be vanished due to more usage of computers. I totally agree with the aforesaid statement, but there are many things which humans will use in the prospective. First and foremost, the invention of the computers in the 19th century brought many advantages for mankind. The computers are not only faster, easier and convenient to operate, but also they can work more precisely and accurately than the humans. Also, they have abilities to work 24 hours without taking any rest or break and yet they can make flawless decisions all over the time. Due to this, the world is now becoming a global village, but these technologies are old enough and now humans need new technologies which can help them in the eventual. The imminent is hard to predict, but there are many emerging technologies which will replace these computers in the forthcoming. The introduction of artificial intelligence in the robots will make appropriate decisions according to the situations. So, there will be chances of driver less cars and pilot less planes in the impending because of this, those super computers will generate paths for planes and cars according to the software installed on their systems. Due to this, the chances of accidents will mitigate effectively. In addition to the above, the space travelling for layman will be possible in the next decade. Also, most of the researches in the space will be done by the robots, so humans do not need to live in the harsh conditions of space. Moreover, there will be no need of soldiers on the borders because robots will protect the borders of the nations. Owing to this, no men will die on the battlefield. Also, there will be possibilities that the robots will do surgeries in the hospitals so, the work of doctors will only observe those robots while they are doing surgeries. To keep issues in the prospects, the artificial intelligence in the subsequent is inevitable and mankind will more depend on their benefits, but the dependence on the computers is not a good thing.
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. The usage of computers in each and every field has increased
steadily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that we
increasingly
depend on the computers whereas the others argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innate abilities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
cannot
be vanished
due to more usage of computers. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforesaid statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the prospective.

First
and foremost, the invention of the computers in the 19th century brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for mankind. The computers are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
faster, easier and convenient to operate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can work more
precisely
and
accurately
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Also
, they have abilities to work 24 hours without taking any rest or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
break and
yet
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
flawless decisions all over the time. Due to this, the world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming a global village,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these technologies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
need new technologies which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the eventual.

The imminent is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to predict,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
emerging technologies which will replace these computers in the forthcoming. The introduction of artificial intelligence in the robots will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
appropriate decisions according to the situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there will be chances of driver less cars and pilot
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun planes is countable.
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
in the impending
because of this
, those super computers will generate paths for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
and cars according to the software installed on their systems. Due to this, the chances of accidents will mitigate
effectively
.

In addition
to the above, the space travelling for layman will be possible in the
next
decade.
Also
, most of the researches in the space will
be done
by the robots,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the harsh conditions of space.
Moreover
, there will be no need of soldiers on the borders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
robots will protect the borders of the nations. Owing to this, no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
on the battlefield.
Also
, there will be possibilities that the robots will do surgeries in the hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the work of doctors will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
observe those robots while they are doing surgeries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
issues in the prospects, the artificial intelligence in the subsequent is inevitable and mankind will more depend on their benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the dependence on the computers is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Today, We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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