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In recent years, advertisements are inescapable in the marketing of services and products. I think advertisements can have both - positive and negative effects. v.1

In recent years, advertisements are inescapable in the marketing of services and products. I think advertisements can have both - positive and negative effects. v. 1
The first advantage of advertising is that it can bring a lot of benefits. So, advertisement generates a diversity of employment opportunities. It provides a career for people who prepare the content of advertisements, design logos, pop up ads or brand awareness for companies. Without this marketing sector, we would have higher unemployment in the world. Another advantage of advertising is that it can promote brand, spread awareness of the messages about products and then products should reach potential consumers, it would attract more customers. Also, by advertising, customers could find out about newly launched products. And as a result, people could select from the bigger choice of products and could know more detailed information about products. However, advertising also has some disadvantages. First of all, there are some technology companies which are collecting data about costumers such as your browsing history or your emails to electronic companies to guide your behaviour on the Internet for commercial purposes. Secondly, there are some brands which profile consumers, influence consumer psychology and trigger memories of childhood or Christmas. They target a specific audience and use subconscious associations. In those brands' shops, music and smells appeal to emotions. As a result, people feel under pressure to buy those brands’ products. Lastly, advertisers often focus on selling a brand image rather than the quality of products by using famous and successful people. Then, customers can be manipulated by the misleading, eye-catching image of influence and they will be likely to spend more money and follow the latest trend. In conclusion, advertisements have some positive effects on customers and marketing companies, but it also has some negative effects for customers, boost sales, special offer items or celebrity endorsement is given to the brand more money and are not really good for consumers.
The
first
advantage of advertising is that it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, advertisement generates a diversity of employment opportunities. It provides a career for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prepare the content of advertisements, design logos, pop up ads or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
awareness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Without this marketing sector, we would have higher unemployment in the world. Another advantage of advertising is that it can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
, spread awareness of the messages about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should reach potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
, it would attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Also
, by advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
could find out about
newly
launched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. And
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could select from the bigger choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and could know more detailed information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, advertising
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which are collecting data about costumers such as your browsing history or your emails to electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to guide your
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on the Internet for commercial purposes.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
which profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
, influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
psychology and trigger memories of childhood or Christmas. They target a specific audience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
subconscious associations. In those brands' shops, music and smells appeal to emotions.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel under pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Lastly
, advertisers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focus on selling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
image
rather
than the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can
be manipulated
by the misleading, eye-catching image of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
influence and
they will be likely to spend more money and follow the latest trend.

In conclusion
, advertisements have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, boost sales, special offer items or celebrity endorsement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
more money and are not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, advertisements are inescapable in the marketing of services and products. I think advertisements can have both - positive and negative effects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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