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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v.3

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 3
Obesity is one of the major problems among the pupils in recent times. The number of children suffering from excess weight issues have been significantly increased, especially in the western countries. Having an improper diet and lack of exercise has caused this problems and if this trend continues it will affect the health and make them fatigue. One of the major causes of such problem is due to improper or door diet habits. Many pupils in the western countries are consuming foods, which are unhealthy and excessively high in bad cholesterol. As a result, they are suffering from obesity related health issues like thyroid and heart diseases. For instance, a recent survey shows that oily and fatty foods such as pizzas and fries are among the top unhealthy foods which are primarily responsible for heart attacks. Thus poor diet leads to severe health issues among the obese children. Nevertheless, some of them maintain a healthy diet, they too are among the victims of obesity due to lack of exercise. Unlike pupils in Asian countries, those in western countries have a less physical exercise at school. As a result, those with excess weight, feel fatigued and could not concentrate on studies. For example, a report shows, schools with no sports or physical activities perform poorly in academics. Thus obese pupils who lack physical activity feel tired and perform poorly in studies. To conclude, if proper precautions are not taken overweight issues will deteriorate problems like heart diseases and feeling fatigue. This can be avoided by maintaining a healthy diet and regular exercise.
Obesity is one of the major
problems
among the
pupils
in recent times. The number of children suffering from excess weight
issues
have been
significantly
increased,
especially
in the western countries.

Having an improper diet and lack of
exercise
has caused
this
problems
and if this trend continues it will affect the health and
make
them fatigue.

One of the major causes of such
problem
is due to improper or door diet habits.
Many
pupils
in the western countries are consuming foods, which are unhealthy and
excessively
high in
bad
cholesterol.
As a result
, they are suffering from obesity related health
issues
like thyroid and heart diseases.
For instance
, a recent survey
shows
that oily and fatty foods such as pizzas and fries are among the top unhealthy foods which are
primarily
responsible for heart attacks.
Thus
poor diet leads to severe health
issues
among the obese children.

Nevertheless
,
some
of them maintain a healthy diet, they too are among the victims of obesity due to lack of
exercise
. Unlike
pupils
in Asian countries, those in western countries have a less physical
exercise
at school.
As a result
, those with excess weight, feel fatigued and could not concentrate on studies.
For example
, a report
shows
, schools with no sports or physical activities perform
poorly
in academics.
Thus
obese
pupils
who lack physical activity feel tired and perform
poorly
in studies.

To conclude
, if proper precautions are not taken overweight
issues
will deteriorate
problems
like heart diseases and feeling fatigue. This can
be avoided
by maintaining a healthy diet and regular
exercise
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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