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some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization v.5

some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization v. 5
Today, several people choose to become entrepreneurs, rather than being an employee. They prefer making their fortune by themselves. This choice has certainly many benefits, even being an employee is easier than being entrepreneurs. I do believe that taking risks is sometimes an optimal choice which could change an individual`s life. First of all, I want to give some of my reasons to improve that self-employing sometimes is a better choice. Being self-employed gives you the freedom to make any kind of decision according to your company, without being ordered by a superior. So we could consider independence as one of the main reasons. A further reason is that you could have a flexible schedule to handle as you need. The reality of being free is undeniable, but the entrepreneurs should accept whole responsibility to reach the aim of success. It is clear that he also should take on all regarding risks to his profession. On the other hand, some other people choose to be employees, which has its own merits. The first merit is that an employee has less responsibilities than a manager. This means that employees are supposed to work just certain and determined hours. In addition, The employee gets his payment monthly, even if the company did not make any profit in that month. The next benefit is that the individual can change his job if he wishes to. The drawbacks should be considered such as health guarantee. The other drawback that almost every employee has experienced is that employers do not pay their salaries on time. As a conclusion, some people prefer to be self-employed, while others prefer being hired by other entrepreneurs. In the dilemma case of these two, make entire considerations about the pros and cons of each one. Later you could make the decision. I prefer working as an employee for someone else to be more relaxed and to take less risks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
,
rather
than being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
making their fortune by themselves. This choice has
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, even being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is easier than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
. I do believe that taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
an optimal choice which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
an
The character between 'individual' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "individual’s" (curly apostrophe) or "individual's" (straight apostrophe).
individual`s
life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I want to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
that self-employing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is a better choice. Being self-employed gives you the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any kind of decision according to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, without
being ordered
by a superior.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we could consider independence as one of the main reasons. A
further
reason is that you could have a flexible schedule to handle as you need. The reality of being free is undeniable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
should accept whole responsibility to reach the aim of success. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that he
also
should take on all regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to his profession.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits. The
first
merit is that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun responsibilities is countable.
less
responsibilities than a manager. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are supposed
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
certain and determined hours.
In addition
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
his payment monthly, even if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any profit in that month. The
next
benefit is that the individual can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his job if he wishes to. The drawbacks should
be considered
such as health guarantee.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
drawback that almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has experienced is that employers do not pay their salaries on time.

As a conclusion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to be self-employed, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
being hired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrepreneurs
. In the dilemma case of these two,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
entire considerations about the pros and cons of each one. Later you could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the decision. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
working as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
for someone else to be more relaxed and to take
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun risks is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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