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Today TV channels provide men s sport shows more than women s sports shows Why Should TV channels give equal time for women s sport and men s sport v.1

Today TV channels provide men s sport shows more than women s sports shows Why Should TV channels give equal time for women s sport and men s sport v. 1
While some people argue that we should emphasize the importance of competition when teaching children, others take the view that focusing on cooperation is more important. In my opinion, it is better for children to be taught to cooperate. On one side of the argument, there are people who hold the opinion that encouraging competitiveness in children will yield better results. The most compelling reason for believing this is that competitiveness prepares them for life in the real world. When students grow up, they will need to compete with other students for a place in university. Furthermore, there’s no doubt that in the job market, people will be competing with many others to get a good job. Another reason is that this encourages them to excel in everything they do. When there’s competition, everyone is challenged to do their best. For example, if there’s a prize for the student with the highest marks in a particular subject, every student will be motivated to do his or her best. This encourages growth and the pursuit of excellence. Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that instilling a sense of cooperation in children will prove more beneficial. Indeed, one reason why I take this position is that in many instances, winning is not everything. A society focused solely on winning and competing ignores other important traits like compassion and generosity. Such traits are important for a proper functioning of society. Furthermore, it is my opinion that achieving one’s goal often requires the ability to cooperate, rather than compete, with others. In society and work, cooperation and teamwork is often required. For instance, a company will only achieve its overall goal if all parts work together and complement each other. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that cooperation is a more important value. This is because children need to understand that winning against another is not the most important thing and that cooperation often enables them to achieve their goals. Given this situation, it is recommended that schools should put more effort into promoting teamwork activities.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that we should emphasize the importance of competition when teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others take the view that focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. In my opinion, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be taught
to cooperate.

On one side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hold the opinion that encouraging competitiveness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will yield better results. The most compelling reason for believing this is that competitiveness prepares them for life in the real world. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grow up, they will need to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for a place in university.
Furthermore
, there’s no doubt that in the job market,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be competing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job. Another reason is that this encourages them to excel in everything they do. When there’s competition, everyone
is challenged
to do their best.
For example
, if there’s a prize for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with the highest marks in a particular subject, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
be motivated
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
best. This encourages growth and the pursuit of excellence.

Despite the above arguments, I am of the view that instilling a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will prove more beneficial.
Indeed
, one reason why I take this position is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances, winning is not everything. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
focused
solely
on winning and competing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
traits like compassion and generosity. Such traits are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for a proper functioning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Furthermore
, it is my opinion that achieving one’s goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
requires the ability to cooperate,
rather
than compete, with others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and teamwork is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
required.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve its
overall
goal if all parts work together and complement each other.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
value. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to understand that winning against another is not the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enables them to achieve their goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that schools should put more effort into promoting teamwork activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today TV channels provide men s sport shows more than women s sports shows Why Should TV channels give equal time for women s sport and men s sport v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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