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In some countries the number of people who visit art galleries is declining What are the reasons for this What can be done to solve this situation v.1

In some countries the number of people who visit art galleries is declining What are the reasons for this What can be done to solve this situation v. 1
There are various factors that can influence the growth of a child. Although, some people believe that digital media, peers and music can impact the growth of a child. Whereas, I believe that parents influence the development of a child to a much greater extent. To begin with, nowadays, an adolescent spends a number of hours, watching television, spending time with peers and as well as listening to music which, can have various effects on his self- development. One of the main reasons for this is that, the brain of the child can be easily moulded. As an adolescent is still developing he is not aware of all the realities of life, he observes and learns from his surroundings. As most of his time is spent around digital media and peers, he is more likely to get influenced by them. The impact of this could be positive or negative. For example, if a child watches serials with more violence, it could make the child more aggressive. Whereas, if the child watches more of informative channels such as discovery channel it can help him increase his knowledge. Hence, these factors could impact the development of a child to some extend. However, I believe that as a child spends a huge amount of time with parents, this could impact the development of the child to a greater extend. Children always ought to listen to what their parents say. As parents play the role model, the child tends to imitate and learn from the actions of their parents. For example, during my childhood, I had always followed the footsteps of my parents and grandparents in numerous ways such as saying my daily morning prayers. Parents can to a large extent help in developing the child into a well- behaved human being. To conclude, children spend an ample number of hours on activities such as watching television, spending time with peers, which can influence the growth of a child to some extend. However, by indulging in open conversation and the right supervision from the parents can influence the development of a child to a much greater extend.
There are various factors that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that digital media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
and music can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a much greater extent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, an adolescent spends a number of hours, watching television, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
and
as well
as listening to music which, can have various effects on his self-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. One of the main reasons for this is that, the brain of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can be
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
. As an adolescent is
still
developing he is not aware of all the realities of life, he observes and learns from his surroundings. As most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
around digital media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
, he is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of this could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
serials with more violence, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
more aggressive. Whereas, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
more of informative channels such as discovery channel it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him increase his knowledge.
Hence
, these factors could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.

However
, I believe that as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spends a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a greater
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
. Children always ought to listen to what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
say. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play the role model, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
tends to imitate and learn from the actions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, during my childhood, I had always followed the footsteps of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and grandparents in numerous ways such as saying my daily morning prayers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can to a large extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into a well- behaved human being.

To conclude
, children spend an ample number of hours on activities such as watching television, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.
However
, by indulging in open conversation and the right supervision from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a much greater extend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the number of people who visit art galleries is declining What are the reasons for this What can be done to solve this situation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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