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In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.2

In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 2
Having believed that not all offences are worth punishing and imprisonment, many suggest some alternate penalty for lawbreaking in terms of social work or free service for the community. I partially agree that criminals committing minor crimes should be left to contribute in social unpaid activities while, stern criminals should be punished in a stricter manner. This essay describes about how an alternative punishment can be helpful to the society, whereas it might not be suitable for all criminals. Firstly, Many offences are not severe and it is uncivilized to them behind the bars. In my opinion, criminals found with minor unlawful activity with ignorance or committing the crime unintentionally, who realize and repent for their act should be alternatively punished. Most of such crimes are believed to be non-repetitive and accidental which can be punished in a different way by contributing the development and betterment of society. For instance, such lawbreakers can do handloom work, waste management, plantation with the collaboration of NGOs to make the nation better. On the contrary, the criminals who indulge in heinous unforgivable crimes such as murder, rape, serial killing, terrorism and hijacking must not be overlooked by jurisdiction. Most of these crimes are with wrong intention and by the professionals who merely repent or realize the consequence of their terrific act. Terrorism is an unforgivable crime and should be harshly punished. In conclusion, someone with no criminal record or with minimal misconduct must be treated differently than serious killers. The sole objective of the law is to maintain peace in the society, not to punish people. Thus, unpaid community services are great chances for criminals to bring them back to their normal life.
Having believed that not all
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are worth punishing and imprisonment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternate penalty for lawbreaking in terms of social work or free service for the community. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
committing minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to contribute in social unpaid activities while, stern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should
be punished
in a stricter manner. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
about how an alternative punishment can be helpful to the society, whereas it might not be suitable for all criminals.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are not severe and it
is uncivilized
to them behind the bars. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
found with minor unlawful activity with ignorance or committing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
unintentionally
, who realize and repent for their act should be
alternatively
punished. Most of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are believed
to be non-repetitive and accidental which can
be punished
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way by contributing the development and betterment of society.
For instance
, such lawbreakers can do
Possible spelling mistake found.
handloom
work, waste management, plantation with the collaboration of NGOs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the nation better.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who indulge in heinous unforgivable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as murder, rape, serial killing, terrorism and hijacking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be overlooked
by jurisdiction. Most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
intention and by the professionals who
merely
repent or realize the consequence of their terrific act. Terrorism is an unforgivable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and should be
harshly
punished.

In conclusion
, someone with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record or with minimal misconduct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
Use "(differently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
differently
than serious killers. The sole objective of the law is to maintain peace in the society, not to punish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, unpaid community services are great chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to bring them back to their normal life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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