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today, the media portrays young people as lazy and disrespectful. do you think this true? Are young people today worse than their parents, or does evry new generation get criticized by older people? v.1

today, the media portrays young people as lazy and disrespectful. do you think this true? Are young people today worse than their parents, or does evry new generation get criticized by older people? v. 1
People have different opinions about whether they should admit a bad condition or try and make it better. Although there are some advantages of accepting a bad situation, I would argue that people in a bad condition should attempt and improve such a condition. There are some good arguments for admitting a bad situation. It is unlikely that you fail and receive no damage for the reason that you don't have the risk which may occur due to failure. Therefore, you can keep the current situation and there is little possibility of getting it worse. When I was a child, my father worked as a businessman at a certain company and he was dissatisfied with the job because it wasn't what he wanted to do as a job. However, he didn't afford to change his job due to his family. Then, accepting the reality, he has raised his children including me. Despite the above arguments, I believe that an effort to improve your situation is extremely important. Leading a life with satisfaction makes you happy and leads to your good mental health. If you continue adopting a bad situation, you may develop diseases in your mental, such as depression. This is because a bad situation always fills you with stress. For example, when my friend was a high school student, he was bullied. During being bullied, he endured the pain and attended the school for several months. However, finally, he dropped out the school and enrolled in another school for the reason that he was suffering from bullying and knew that it would cause mental illness on him. After that, he could make a lot of friends and enjoy his school life. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of attempting and improving a bad situation outweigh those of accepting it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about whether they should admit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
condition or
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of accepting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
condition should attempt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such a condition.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
arguments for admitting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. It is unlikely that you fail and receive no damage for the reason that you don't have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
which may occur due to failure.
Therefore
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
possibility of getting it worse. When I was a child, my father worked as a businessman at a certain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
he
was dissatisfied
with the job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it wasn't what he wanted to do as a job.
However
, he didn't afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his job due to his family. Then, accepting the reality, he has raised his children including me.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Leading a life with satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy and leads to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental health. If you continue adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, you may develop diseases in your mental, such as depression. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
always fills you with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, when my friend was a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
student, he
was bullied
. During
being bullied
, he endured the pain and attended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for several months.
However
,
finally
, he dropped out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and enrolled in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for the reason that he was suffering from bullying and knew that it would cause mental illness on him. After that, he could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
friends and enjoy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the advantages of attempting and improving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
outweigh those of accepting it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay today, the media portrays young people as lazy and disrespectful. do you think this true? Are young people today worse than their parents, or does evry new generation get criticized by older people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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