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Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.2

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. v. 2
It is obvious that nowadays, the countless number of children is raised by their grandparents is much more than those are raised by parents owing to the increase in labour-intensive jobs. From my viewpoint, this issue can be both beneficial and harmful. In one word, there are several considerable advantages of being raised by grandparents, the most important of which are related to children's learning process and a cure for their illness. One benefit could be that children might be provided more unique chances to expose to ancient knowledge or historical events thanks to their grandparents' real experience. This may be a proper way for them to broaden their horizon. For instance, grandfathers can tell them about Vietnam's traditional culture and festivals such as the Hung Temple Festival or Dong Son Drum. By doing this, youths not only are raised their patriotism, but also understand clearly the country's history. Another key advantage could be teenagers will be healthier thanks to herbal medicine. It is clear that when we have a cough, using herbal medicine can help us suffer from it in a short period. In some special aspects, that cure can be better than using antibiotics. On the other hand, this controversial issue might result in certain drawbacks. Firstly, if grandparents pamper their children too much, their parents will find it difficult for teaching them. This can be a door leading to an increase in social evils. Secondly, in some cases, the knowledge grandparents gained is unsuitable for the modern studying program due to the different teaching methods, which might make children feel difficult in completing their urgent tasks or homework. Eventually, since the elders do not catch up with modern life, in some terrible situations, they do not know how to solve problems in the right way. For example, when a child has a serious disease like COVID-19, they do not know what to do at first without calling the ambulance and waiting for it. By doing this, their child may become more serious. In a personal conclusion, while being raised by grandparents can be beneficial, it also has several drawbacks.
It is obvious that nowadays, the countless number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is much more than those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by parents owing to the increase in
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-intensive
jobs. From my viewpoint, this issue can be both beneficial and harmful.

In one word, there are several considerable advantages of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which
are related
to children's learning process and a cure for their illness. One benefit could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
be provided
more unique chances to expose to ancient knowledge or historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
thanks to their grandparents' real experience. This may be a proper way for them to broaden their horizon.
For instance
, grandfathers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about Vietnam's traditional culture and festivals such as the Hung Temple Festival or Dong Son Drum. By doing this, youths not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
their patriotism,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
understand
clearly
the country's history. Another key advantage could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will be healthier thanks to herbal medicine. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that when we have a cough, using herbal medicine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us suffer from it in a short period. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special aspects, that cure can be better than using antibiotics.

On the other hand
, this controversial issue might result in certain drawbacks.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
pamper their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
too much, their parents will find it difficult for teaching them. This can be a door leading to an increase in social evils.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
gained is unsuitable for the modern studying program due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teaching methods, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel difficult in completing their urgent tasks or homework.
Eventually
, since the elders do not catch up with modern life, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrible situations, they do not know how to solve problems in the right way.
For example
, when a child has a serious disease like COVID-19, they do not know what to do at
first
without calling the ambulance and waiting for it. By doing this, their child may become more serious.

In a personal conclusion, while being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
can be beneficial, it
also
has several drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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