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Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.1

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 1
In this contemporary era, juveniles like to have more time with their companies instead of families. The main reason of this is a generation gap. I think that, the parents should not force them to stay at home and spend their time with the family. Today's children want to use their most of the time with the same age group people rather than the old age persons. This problem has occurred just because of the age difference. Like, the thinking of young generation is totally different from the older people. The adolescents think that, beliefs and thoughts they have which are not matched with their parents. Thus, mostly they are sharing their interest and ideas with friends. For example, in the recent survey in the UK, they reveals 85% of teenagers like to spend more time with friends due to same interest. On the other hand, the parents should not push young adults to spend the day at home which would be not beneficial. If the family members forced them, then they would think their independence is occupied and may they are not feeling comfortable at home. However, if parents can change the behaviour as friendly towards young adults, so children may prefer to stay at home. For instance, a recent study conducted by the government reveals which families were more friendly, their children spent most of the time with parents. To recapitulate, nowadays juveniles feel more comfortable with young people due to different ideas and thoughts of their parents. However, I believe that without forcing them, parents should spend good time with them by changing their behaviour would be more beneficial.
In this contemporary era, juveniles like to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
instead
of families. The main reason of this is a generation gap. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not force them to stay at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the family.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's children want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the same age group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rather
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age persons. This problem has occurred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the age difference. Like, the thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, beliefs and thoughts they have which are not matched with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Thus
,
mostly
they are sharing their interest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with friends.
For example
, in the recent survey in the UK, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "reveal"
reveals
85% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends due to same interest.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the day at home which would be not beneficial. If the family members forced them, then they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their independence
is occupied
and may they are not feeling comfortable at home.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as friendly towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children may prefer to stay at home.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reveals which families were more friendly, their children spent most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with parents.

To recapitulate, nowadays juveniles feel more comfortable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, I believe that without forcing them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them by changing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
would be more beneficial.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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