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Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.1

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 1
In the past, one of the parents, usually mother, stay at home for looking after their children. However, with the increase in the career-oriented lifestyle, children had to stay with their grandparents. I believe that this arrangement has more negative effects than positive ones. In this essay, the manner in which parent-child relationship and the health of the young people is affected will be analysed. To begin with, children spending maximum time with their grandparents can afflict the relationship with their parent. A good illustration for this are the young people for various countries, particularly, India is being looked after by their grandparents while parents continue to focus on their career. Because of this, they do not have enough time to know their parents and fail to develop the bond of love with them. The negative implications of the pupils have been taken care by their grandparents are thus clear. Most of the times, children lose their grandparents when there are growing and hence can result in the health problems. The reason for believing this is that they loose their grandparents can make them feel lonely and they can find it difficult to connect with their parents. As a result, they can face the issues related to mental health such as depression at the early age. Thus, the link between the degradation of young children's health and the close relation with their grandparents is clear. From the above discussion, it is difficult to debunk that the bonding and the fitness of the child could be hampered if they have to spend an inordinate time with ageing grandparents. Therefore, it is expected that parents will prefer to stay with their child in the foreseeable future.
In the past, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
usually
mother, stay at home for looking after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, with the increase in the career-oriented lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had to stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. I believe that this arrangement has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones. In this essay, the manner in which parent-child relationship and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
can afflict the relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this are the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for various countries,
particularly
, India is
being looked
after by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
continue to focus on their career.
Because of this
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and fail to develop the bond of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with them. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications of the pupils have
been taken
care by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
when there are growing and
hence
can result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. The reason for believing this is that they
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lonely and
they can find it difficult to connect with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, they can face the issues related to mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
such as depression at the early age.
Thus
, the link between the degradation of young children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the close relation with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

From the above discussion, it is difficult to debunk that the bonding and the fitness of the child could
be hampered
if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend an inordinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will prefer to stay with their child in the foreseeable future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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