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Some people think that the Olympics is no longer important in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that the Olympics is no longer important in the 21st century. v. 3
Playing sports and games are more important in the later centaury while all the people are busy in social networking sites. I strongly disagree with the above statement. Let us discuss in detail about the importance of sports in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all, I would like to talk about the significance of the games. When we play some game, then automatically we feel fresh and healthy. In these days, when most of the people are using alcohol and tobacco, then how we can think about the future because we say that young people are the future of the country. The Olympics are the very decent idea for the strong India. For example, some people are playing Kabaddi, hockey and other games, then they become healthy also. Our Prime Minister Sh. Narendra Modi has also inaugurated the Khelo India Programme as they want a respectable Nation. On the other hand, one more importance of the Olympics is there, that is unity. This is also very powerful tool for the country. When many countries take part in competitions then definitely there will be unity among them. So I strongly agreed that the Olympics should be carried on. We should focus on the other meets also. We should give them some prizes, so that most of the people will take part in the games. For example, I have seen Kabaddi tournaments so many times. In all the tournaments there are some prizes for the winners and I have also seen there much crowd than the normal ones. Finally, I conclude that competitions in games among the other countries should be carried on.
Playing sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the later
Possible spelling mistake found.
centaury
while all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy in social networking sites. I
strongly
disagree with the above statement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss in detail about the importance of sports in the upcoming paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to talk about the significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. When we play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game, then
automatically
we feel fresh and healthy. In these days, when most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using alcohol and tobacco, then how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we say that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The Olympics are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
decent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the strong India.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabaddi
, hockey and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, then they become healthy
also
. Our Prime Minister Sh. Narendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modi
has
also
inaugurated the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khelo
India
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programme' is British English.
Programme
as they want a respectable Nation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, one more importance of the Olympics is there,
that is
unity. This is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful tool for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in competitions then definitely there will be unity among them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the Olympics should
be carried
on. We should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
meets
also
. We should give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prizes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kabaddi
tournaments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times. In all the tournaments there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prizes for the winners and I have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
there much crowd than the normal ones.

Finally
, I conclude that competitions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be carried
on.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the Olympics is no longer important in the 21st century. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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