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Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.2

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 2
In this hectic world, living cost is drastically increasing and that necessitates both parents to work hard to earn their daily living. Moreover, parents are concentrating on their career and continue their jobs even if they have children. Grandparents are the best choice or perhaps the only choice for such parents, although there are some disadvantages. In my opinion raising the children by grandparents is an acceptable fact and has ignorable negative effects. Obviously, grandparents are the trustworthy caretakers of their grandchildren. Parents can leave their children with them and work with peace of mind. They will feed them and take care of them same or more than they care their own children. In addition to that, parents can leave children at their home, needlessly to bring them to any daycare centres. Furthermore, it saves 20 percentage of family income as additional babysitting or day-care centre cost is saved. In the case of any minor ailments, grandchildren are cared well by grandparents. Consistently, grandparents have enormous experiences in upbringing their own children and they are successful parents. That is why they can up-bring their grandchildren as well. They are in many cases better decision makers and this quality make them ideal to be attached to their grandchildren. Researchers indicate that children brought up with the family members learn more values and morality than those who spend their day time in day-care centre. Grandparents take special care of their grandchildren and spend the whole day with them and that do not let the children miss their parents as they would have with a babysitter. Contradictory, there are some demerits of this trend also. First of all, children raised by the grandparents usually have weaker bonding and relationship with their parents. Children cannot distinguish the parents and grandparents at an early age which is an example of a bad parenting. Moreover, the grandparents are in older age and this is the time to rest and relax. In many cases, it is hard for them to take care of children. In addition generation gap is something that will affect many areas of the development of children. In conclusion, it is unavoidable in many cases that both parents need to contribute to earning to support the family. Raising children by grandparents is a welcomed trend and that will strengthen the family relationship.
In this hectic world, living cost is
drastically
increasing and that necessitates both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn their daily living.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are concentrating on their career and continue their jobs even if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Grandparents
are the best choice or perhaps the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
choice for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. In my opinion raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is an acceptable fact and has ignorable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are the trustworthy caretakers of their grandchildren.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with them and work with peace of mind. They will feed them and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them same or more than they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their home,
needlessly
to bring them to any daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Furthermore
, it saves 20 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
income as additional babysitting or day-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
cost
is saved
. In the case of any minor ailments, grandchildren
are cared
well by grandparents.

Consistently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
have enormous experiences in upbringing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
That is
why they can up-bring their grandchildren
as well
. They are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases better decision makers and this quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ideal to
be attached
to their grandchildren. Researchers indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brought up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members learn more values and morality than those who spend their day time in day-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Grandparents
take special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren and spend the whole day with them and that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
miss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they would have with a babysitter.

Contradictory, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of this trend
also
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
raised by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
usually
have weaker bonding and relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot distinguish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
at an early age which is an example of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are in older age and this is the time to rest and relax. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
generation gap is something that will affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of the development of children.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, it is unavoidable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to contribute to earning to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is a welcomed trend and that will strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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