Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.1

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. v. 1
It is evident that nowadays, the countless number of children is nurtured by their grandparents is much more than those are raised by parents owing to the increase in labor-intensive jobs. From my viewpoint, this issue can be both beneficial and harmful which this essay aims to determine both these aspects. In one word, there are several considerable advantages of being raised by grandparents, the most important of which are related to children's learning process and saving their parent’s money. One benefit derived from this issue should be concerned that children might be provided more unique chances to expose to ancient knowledge or historical events thanks to their grandparents' real experience. This may be a proper way for them to broaden their horizon. Considering an example of Vietnamese custom, grandfathers can tell them about Vietnam's traditional culture and festivals such as the Hung Temple Festival or Dong Son Drum. By doing this, youths not only are raised their patriotism but also understand clearly the country's history. Thanks to grandparents, in another key advantage, the couples can leave their youngsters at home without feeling anxiety or worry. With a peace of mind, not sole they improve their working productivity but save much money as well. On the other hand, this controversial issue might result in certain drawbacks. Firstly, if grandparents pamper their children in an excessive way, their parents will find it difficult for teaching them. This can be a door leading to an increase in social evils. Secondly, in some cases, the knowledge grandparents gained recognized as is unsuitable for the modern studying program due to the different teaching methods, resulting in difficulties faced by children in terms of completing their urgent tasks or homework. Eventually, since the elders do not catch up with modern life, in some terrible situations, they do not know how to solve problems in an effective way. For example, when a child has a serious disease like COVID-19, they do not know what should be put in priority without calling the ambulance and waiting for it. By doing this, their child may become more serious. In a personal conclusion, while being raised by grandparents can be beneficial, it also has several drawbacks.
It is evident that nowadays, the countless number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is nurtured
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is much more than those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by parents owing to the increase in labor-intensive jobs. From my viewpoint, this issue can be both beneficial and harmful which this essay aims to determine both these aspects.

In one word, there are several considerable advantages of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which
are related
to children's learning process and saving their parent’s money. One benefit derived from this issue should
be concerned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
be provided
more unique chances to expose to ancient knowledge or historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
thanks to their grandparents' real experience. This may be a proper way for them to broaden their horizon. Considering an example of Vietnamese custom, grandfathers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about Vietnam's traditional culture and festivals such as the Hung Temple Festival or Dong Son Drum. By doing this, youths not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
their patriotism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
understand
clearly
the country's history. Thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, in another key advantage, the couples can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their youngsters at home without feeling anxiety or worry. With a peace of mind, not sole they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their working productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
save much money
as well
.

On the other hand
, this controversial issue might result in certain drawbacks.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
pamper their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in an excessive way" with the adverb for "excessive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an excessive way
, their parents will find it difficult for teaching them. This can be a door leading to an increase in social evils.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, the knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
gained recognized as is unsuitable for the modern studying program due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teaching methods, resulting in difficulties faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of completing their urgent tasks or homework.
Eventually
, since the elders do not catch up with modern life, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrible situations, they do not know how to solve problems
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
For example
, when a child has a serious disease like COVID-19, they do not know what should
be put
in priority without calling the ambulance and waiting for it. By doing this, their child may become more serious.

In a personal conclusion, while being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
can be beneficial, it
also
has several drawbacks.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts