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In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. v.5

In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. v. 5
As is commonly understood in the big cities people need to pay some money when they are driving a car to reach the centre of the city. This has the purpose of reducing the total of cars which operated around the city. It is believed that a policy of reducing the number of cars will bring positive and negative impact for all the people. Personally, I will explain my perspective by giving supporting and opposing reason. Firstly, as we know that the number of the car in the city bring many advantages. If the cities applied a policy or rule about driving cars, some of the problems such as air pollution as well as traffic jam automatically reduced. At the same time, the policy will help the government in developing the percentage of public transportation used by the people. As a result industry of public transportation growing rapidly. Take Tokyo for instance, Tokyo applied a policy if the people bring their own car to the city centre. Caused by this policy, Tokyo grew significantly to become the smartest city with the lowest percentage of air pollution and traffic jam, development of public transportation reveals a sophisticated trend.   From this example, we can see that policy bring advantages to a city, even in the development of the city itself and public transportation business. On the other hand, the role by applied fee brings disadvantages for a city. In some countries this policy impact on the automotive industry. The trend of people to buy a car significantly decreased, as a result income and development of business automotive shows bad trend day by day. This case happens in South Africa when people must pay or take some role to drive their cars to the city centre. There are 65% of the total of the people who lived in Cape Town decided not to buy cars. Because most of them think that buy a car is useless. From this case, many automotive industries have collapsed and effect on the market and the economic development in South Africa. In conclusion, the policy is important to be applied in a city related to bringing a car. However, the policy must be considered the advantages and disadvantages. The government and the public sector, as well as business sectors in the transportation business, need to collaborate together, make arrangement and right policy who will bring good advantages to all sector. In this case government, people and businessman.
As is
commonly
understood in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money when they are driving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to reach the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the city. This has the purpose of reducing the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which operated around the city. It
is believed
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
of reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Personally
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my perspective by giving supporting and opposing reason.

Firstly
, as we know that the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
about driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems such as air pollution
as well
as traffic jam
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in developing the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result industry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
growing
rapidly
. Take Tokyo
for instance
, Tokyo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. Caused by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
, Tokyo grew
significantly
to become the smartest city with the lowest percentage of air pollution and traffic jam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
reveals a sophisticated trend.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
From this example, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to a city, even in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the city itself and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
business.

On the other hand
, the role by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
fee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
disadvantages for a city. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
impact on the automotive industry. The trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
significantly
decreased,
as a result
income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of business automotive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend day by day. This case happens in South Africa when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay or take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role to drive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. There are 65% of the total of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Cape Town decided not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is useless. From this case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
automotive industries have collapsed and effect on the market and the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in South Africa.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
in a city related to bringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
sector,
as well
as business sectors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
business, need to collaborate together,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangement and right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
who will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to all sector.
In this case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and businessman.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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