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Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family? v.2

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 2
There is a controversial issue about the impact that grandparents cause by nurturing children. Some social workers state that it causes negative for the household, while some politicians claim it will be beneficial for it. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and agree with the idea of positive effects. Let us start with reasons why some social workers advocate that child rearing by grandparents benefits the family. The first reason is that it usually allows to build career. Many couples cannot build a career, since they are engaged in parenting, but the retired members can take a responsibility for it, which enables young people to succeed at work. Another reason is that grandparents frequently teach youngsters better. The elderly have more experience than the rest members, so they can share both more wisdom and advice to growing generations. Therefore, it is reasonable to say that child caring by grandparents is a positive trend. However, some politicians propagate that the nurture by grandparents is detrimental to the family. They justify their opinion with the following reasons. Firstly, they cannot teach children modern lifestyle. Many older people are unaware of contemporary trends, which are important to learn for youngsters, so they cannot fully replace parents in development. Secondly, they are hardly able to care for themselves. Many grandparents are unable to nurture children, since they are both too old and physically incapable, so they cannot entirely substitute parents, no matter how hard they want. As a result, it is rational to say that upbringing by the elderly is a negative tendency. In conclusion, even though some social workers believe that it has an adverse impact on the family, I think that it is advantageous for all members of family for the above mentioned reasons.
There is a controversial issue about the impact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
cause by nurturing children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social workers state that it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the household, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians claim it will be beneficial for it. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers advocate that child rearing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "building"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to build
career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
couples cannot build a career, since they
are engaged
in parenting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the retired members can take a responsibility for it, which enables young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to succeed at work. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
frequently
teach youngsters better. The elderly have more experience than the rest members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can share both more wisdom and advice to growing generations.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to say that child caring by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians propagate that the nurture by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is detrimental to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They justify their opinion with the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Firstly
, they cannot teach children modern lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unaware of contemporary trends, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn for youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot
fully
replace parents in development.
Secondly
, they are hardly able to care for themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are unable to nurture children, since they are both too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
physically
incapable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot
entirely
substitute parents, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they want.
As a result
, it is rational to say that upbringing by the elderly is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tendency.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social workers believe that it has an adverse impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is advantageous for all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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