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Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. v. 1
Nowadays, everyone want their life is much easier than before. some people believe that elderly people should continue to be involved in the workforce. I partially agree with this statement and I will explain my views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are many reasons of older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. The first and the foremost is old people can do jobs because some elderly people like to do work in their free time. Moreover, older people plays an important role in jobs because they can judge the. Youngers knowledge and they face many challenges in their life. So, they have more experineced people as well as they take a right decision for any work because they observed more experience. Therefore, they do not make mistakes in taking a decision as compared to youngers. For example, mostly business organized by oldish people such as MDH species business is composed by oldish person and this business is famous in whole world. On the other hand, there are some demerits of older people involved in the workforce. The first and the foremost is oldish people take some rest in their home because mostly elderly people suffer from some heath problems like stress, physical problems and many more. In additional to this, government allocate a pension system for oldish people. So, older people do not look for jobs they can easily stay in their homes and enjoy life with their families. But, some elderly people have responsibility of their families so in some situation oldish people can do jobs. To conclude, jobs are important to everyone. Government should be encourage businesses to create a more jobs which is besed on younger and elder people.
Nowadays, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
their life is much easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should continue to
be involved
in the workforce. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should continue to
be involved
in the workforce. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to do work in their free time.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can judge
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youngers
knowledge and they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
experineced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as they take a right decision for any work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they observed more experience.
Therefore
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes in taking a decision as compared to
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
.
For example
,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
organized by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oldish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
MDH
species
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is composed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oldish
person and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in whole world.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in the workforce. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oldish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest in their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
heath problems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, physical problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. In additional to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocate a pension system for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oldish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they can
easily
stay in their homes and enjoy life with their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have responsibility of their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oldish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do jobs.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to everyone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to create a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which is
Possible spelling mistake found.
besed
on younger and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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