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Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce the pressure? v.1

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce the pressure? v. 1
In present scenario, expectations for children by their parents and other members of society have been increased to a greater extent, which further become the reason of academic, social and economic stress for youngsters. This essay would aim at discussing the reasons behind this issue before mentioning measures. To commence with, parental pressure on their wards to get the higher grades in examinations along with participating in the extra curricular activities has become the prominent reason to make them stressed. Besides this, peer pressure is another reason. In other words, children have to compete with their age mates in terms of academic performance and maintain social trends by following the latest trends in order to get themselves up to date. Hence, these both reasons are indirectly related with economy stress because without strong financial positions these things can not be possible. However, reduction of this pressure is a need of the hour because if youth buried under these pressures, no nation can grow in any field. To cope up with this situation, firstly, parents have to give quality of upbringing to their wards by inculcating moral values into them, and make them believe in simple living. Apart from this, mentors should have to find the capability of their wards and let him grow in their field of interest, rather than, pressurized him to opt any particular field of study. Therefore, by adapting these methods stress can be reduced from the budding minds. In conclusion, in this stressful environment, children need the guidance of their mentors. Thereby, parents should have to give them support and right advice to make their future bright.
In present scenario, expectations for children by their parents and other members of society have
been increased
to a greater extent, which
further
become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of academic, social and economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for youngsters. This essay would aim at discussing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
mentioning measures.

To commence with, parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their wards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the higher grades in examinations along with participating in the
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities has become the prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Besides
this, peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
.
In other words
, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with their age mates in terms of academic performance and maintain social trends by following the latest trends in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves up to date.
Hence
, these both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are
indirectly
related with economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without strong financial positions these things can not be possible.

However
, reduction of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is a need of the hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if youth buried under these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
, no nation can grow in any field. To cope up with this situation,
firstly
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give quality of upbringing to their wards by inculcating moral values into them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them believe in simple living. Apart from this, mentors should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find the capability of their wards and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him grow in their field of interest,
rather
than, pressurized him to opt any particular field of study.
Therefore
, by adapting these methods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from the budding minds.

In conclusion
, in this stressful environment, children need the guidance of their mentors. Thereby, parents should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give them support and right advice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their future bright.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce the pressure? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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