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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v.3

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 3
No doubt that being valuable by people around you helps you to feel happy and excited to explore this life more. Mostly, old people feel useless and they have been ignored, especially after retirement and setting at home doing nothing. Recently, studies and researches have proved that senior people can participate in our communities magnificently, which in return will help them to fill their empty life and maintain their healthy active life. In this essay I will discuss ways that older people could take advantage of them to feel more satisfied and pleased. These days companies everywhere look for subject matter experts, and obviously who can be better than older people to fill these positions. Old people are experts and no doubt they have powerful knowledge and information that any organization would be grateful to have them. Therefor, elderly ones can be hired as experts and consultants in their field. The other quiet equal way to add here is working at charity organizations to support communities. Old people need to entertain their time, so by doing activities that include giving free stuff and smiling will add an extra pleasant to their life. Charity and voluntary works need dedicated people, and old people are the most suited ones for these kind of tasks. In conclusion, seniors are not extra people in our life. We need to make them feel they are still worth and important members in our communities. Finding ways for them to continue their life is essential for their health. Either hired as experts or work as volunteers might help to negate their feeling about being worthless.
No doubt that being valuable by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
happy and excited to explore this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more.
Mostly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
useless and
they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
,
especially
after retirement and setting at home doing nothing. Recently, studies and researches have proved that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can participate in our communities
magnificently
, which in return will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to fill their empty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and maintain their healthy active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this essay I will discuss ways that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could take advantage of them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
more satisfied and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
.

These days
You should probably use "".
companies
everywhere look for
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
, and
obviously
who can be better than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fill these positions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
and no doubt they have powerful knowledge and information that any organization would be grateful to have them. Therefor, elderly ones can
be hired
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
and consultants in their field.

The other quiet equal way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
here is working at charity organizations to support communities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to entertain their time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by doing activities that include giving free stuff and smiling will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
an extra pleasant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Charity and voluntary works need dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the most suited ones for
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of tasks.

In conclusion
, seniors are not extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they are
still
worth and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
members in our communities. Finding ways for them to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is essential for their health. Either hired as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
or work as volunteers might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to negate their feeling about being worthless.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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