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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v.2

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 2
People today can expect to live a longer and healthier life than people in the past. People often see retirement as a time for relaxation and letting go of the stresses of working life. However, many who reach retirement age are more interested than ever in contributing actively to their communities. This essay will outline two ways in which this interest can benefit society. Becoming involved in schools is one of the ways in which the life experience of the elderly can be made available to the community. Because families now are often more mobile than in the past, many children do not have regular contact with grandparents. Yet children are often fascinated by stories of life in the past. Inviting local retired people into schools to speak to children can help to maintain a vital link between past and present. Another way in which society can benefit from a more active older generation is by inviting older employees to remain in work part-time. Older people may not want to or indeed be able to do a full day's work; however, their experience may continue to be valuable to their employers. A good example of this can be seen in one scheme in the UK in which elder employees remained in work as mentors for younger employees. To conclude, schools and the workplace are just two of the areas in which those who have reached retirement age can continue to contribute to their communities. As life expectancy improves, the need to maintain an active and socially meaningful life may also increase. Experience suggests that this trend can have benefits for all, not just the elderly.
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People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can
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expect
to
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live
a longer and healthier
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life
than
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people
in the
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past
.
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People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
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see
retirement as a time for relaxation and letting go of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who reach retirement age are more interested than ever in contributing
actively
to their communities. This essay will outline two ways in which this interest can benefit society.

Becoming involved in schools is one of the ways in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience of the elderly can
be made
available to the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more mobile than in the
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past
,
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many
children do not have regular contact with grandparents.
Yet
children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fascinated by stories of
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life
in the
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past
. Inviting local retired
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people
into schools to speak to children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain a vital link between
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past
and present.

Another way in which society can benefit from a more active older generation is by inviting older employees to remain in work part-time. Older
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people
may not want to or
indeed
be able to do a full day's work;
however
, their experience may continue to be valuable to their employers. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in one scheme in the UK in which elder employees remained in work as mentors for younger employees.

To conclude
, schools and the workplace are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two of the areas in which those who have reached retirement age can continue to contribute to their communities. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, the need to maintain an active and
socially
meaningful
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life
may
also
increase. Experience suggests that this trend can have benefits for all, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the elderly.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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