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longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people allow people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what way can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the contribution of the older people to society. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. v.1

longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people allow people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what way can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the contribution of the older people to society. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. v. 1
It is undeniable that longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people allow people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In this thesis, I will focus on the contribution of elderly to society. . First, elderly can play a crucial role in a child’s upbringing, who will determine the society in the future. In this modern world, many adults are struggling to make ends meet so they have very little time to care about their children. Meanwhile, the elderly are people of retirement age who have a great deal of spare time as well as enormous experiences in dealing with children so they can be good companions to those kids and help them to raise in a family environment rather than in a day-care centre. For example, older people can instill traditional beliefs in young children, which not only builds a sense of belongings in them, but also helps in the preservation of gradually lost cultures. In addition, there is no doubt that even after the end of their working life, older people can continue to play an active and full role in society by contributing their knowledge and experience. Older people gained considerable specialized knowledge and practical experience accumulated through years of working, all of which could be effectively utilized in certain key areas. for example, in medicine, many old people who have been retired are called up to deal with patient of severe disease. They could impart their skills to the younger generation as consultants. In this way, young people may avoid mistakes, develop faster and bring benefits to all aspects of society. To sum up, cutting-edge health and longer life spans can allow old people to pursue their lives fully and actively. While joining consulting affiliation is one of the most appropriate ways, taking on the family's exclusive situation is also one of the ways to contribute.
It is undeniable that longer life spans and improvements in the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the age of sixty-five can continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
full and active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this thesis, I will focus on the contribution of elderly to society.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


First
, elderly can play a crucial role in a child’s upbringing, who will determine the society in the future. In this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to care about their children. Meanwhile, the elderly are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of retirement age who have a great deal of spare time
as well
as enormous experiences in dealing with children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
companions to those kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to raise in a family environment
rather
than in a day-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can instill traditional beliefs in young children, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
builds a sense of belongings in them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the preservation of
gradually
lost cultures.

In addition
, there is no doubt that even after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their working life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can continue to play an active and full role in society by contributing their knowledge and experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gained considerable specialized knowledge and practical experience accumulated through years of working, all of which could be
effectively
utilized in certain key areas.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, in medicine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
been retired
are called
up to deal with patient of severe disease. They could impart their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the younger generation as consultants. In this way, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may avoid mistakes, develop faster and bring benefits to all aspects of society.

To sum up, cutting-edge health and longer life spans can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
fully
and
actively
. While joining consulting affiliation is one of the most appropriate ways, taking on the family's exclusive situation is
also
one of the ways to contribute.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people allow people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what way can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the contribution of the older people to society. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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