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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v.1

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 1
The extent to which older individuals can contribute to society and play an active role in their community, is greatly affected by their autonomy and independence. This essay will demonstrate how investing in the welfare of older people can palpably and noticeably have a positive impact on society. Firstly, the awareness over the past few years of the need to invest in the overall health and wellbeing of senior citizens, has been paramount to the successful reintroduction of older generations into the heart of society. The efforts that have been made to improve geriatric care with an emphasis on the importance of independence, have created a rise in capable and healthy elderly citizens. What this investment does is generate a feedback loop where an empowered and fit aging population is able to utilise their most valuable asset, time, in order to actively participate in and benefit society. Secondly, it’s essential to remember that the over 65s represent more than 20% of the population. A large portion of the populace that, if left redundant can be a burden on the rest of society. Older people, more often than not, have disposable income more substantial than younger people and therefor their purchasing power is valuable. That’s why having senior citizens who are happy and healthy increases the chances of them buying services and products, which subsequently positively impact the economy. There are many other ways in which the over 65s can enhance their local communities. One way is by bringing their veteran experiences to younger generations in different sectors like education. Finally, the value that older people impart on the rest of the population is substantial and should always be appreciated and sought after.
The extent to which
older
individuals can contribute to society and play an active role in their community, is
greatly
affected
by their autonomy and independence. This essay will demonstrate how investing in the welfare of
older
people
can
palpably
and
noticeably
have a
positive
impact on society.

Firstly
, the awareness over the past few years of the need to invest in the
overall
health and
wellbeing
of senior citizens, has been paramount to the successful reintroduction of
older
generations into the heart of society. The efforts that have
been made
to
improve
geriatric care with an emphasis on the importance of independence, have created a rise in capable and healthy elderly citizens. What this investment does is generate a feedback loop where an empowered and fit aging population is able to
utilise
their most valuable asset, time, in order to
actively
participate in and benefit society.

Secondly
, it’s essential to remember that the over 65s represent more than 20% of the population. A large portion of the populace that, if
left
redundant can be a burden on the rest of society.
Older
people
, more
often
than not, have disposable income more substantial than younger
people
and therefor their purchasing power is valuable. That’s why having senior citizens who are happy and healthy increases the chances of them buying services and products, which
subsequently
positively
impact the economy. There are
many
other ways in which the over 65s can enhance their local communities. One way is by bringing their veteran experiences to younger generations in
different
sectors like education.

Finally
, the value that
older
people
impart on the rest of the population is substantial and should always
be appreciated
and sought after.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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