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Today, the internet and TV have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Today, the internet and TV have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Being popular has become easier than ever due to the advancement in technology. Media and the internet have empowered the common public to become well-known. In my opinion, it's a positive development because it not only provides the masses with an opportunity to showcase their talent but also enables them to make humongous wealth. To embark with, several talented people get a chance to perform on larger platforms and showcase their skills to a larger audience. Since the world has become a global village after the invention of world wide web and media communication, it has become easier for artists to reach to more viewers, which was not possible in the pre-internet era. For instance, anyone can post videos on YouTube, which can be seen by millions of internet users. Indeed, the online network has increased the chances of being famous and their talent being recognized. In addition, the evolution of broadcasting and the web has brought enormous earnings opportunities to the masses. Although not everyone becomes immensely popular with the help of technology, those who succeed in doing so can earn a hefty amount of money. To illustrate, reality shows have become increasingly popular in India, as a result, quite a lot of people get a chance to show their performance. Winning such shows not only bring fame and prize money, but also open doors for new projects in the entertainment industry which leads to making more money. In conclusion, television and the internet is a blessing for those who want to become famous and earn a huge amount of wealth. Moreover, it not only provides an easily accessible platform to pursue one's talent but also helps in reaching to the masses easily.
Being popular has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
easier than ever due to the advancement in technology. Media and the internet have empowered the common public to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
well-known. In my opinion, it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides the masses with an opportunity to showcase their talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
humongous wealth.

To embark with, several talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to perform on larger platforms and showcase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to a larger audience. Since the world has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a global village after the invention of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
and media communication, it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
easier for artists to reach to more viewers, which was not possible in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-internet
era.
For instance
, anyone can post videos on YouTube, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by millions of internet users.
Indeed
, the online network has increased the chances of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and their talent
being recognized
.

In addition
, the evolution of broadcasting and the web has brought enormous earnings opportunities to the masses. Although not everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
immensely
popular with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology, those who succeed in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can earn a hefty amount of money. To illustrate, reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
increasingly
popular in India,
as a result
, quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their performance. Winning such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring fame and prize money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
open doors for new projects in the entertainment industry which leads to making more money.

In conclusion
, television and the internet is a blessing for those who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and earn a huge amount of wealth.
Moreover
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides an
easily
accessible platform to pursue one's talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in reaching to the masses
easily
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Today, the internet and TV have created that chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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