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Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v.4

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 4
I partly agree with the above statement that employers should give longer holidays to employees to increase productivity. I think that the productivity of an employee depends on many factors. And for each employee, it can be a different factor. Keeping subjectivity in mind, we cannot say that one solution fits all. Each employee has a different motivation for working and coming to the workplace. Some employees work for monetary benefits while some enjoy the social aspect of a workplace. Longer holidays are definitely helpful for employees to achieve work-life balance. Employees would be able to spend time focusing on their health, family and other interests which can lead to a happier life for them. This may not necessarily lead to an increase in productivity in the workplace as long periods of absence from work can cause the momentum of a project to halt. It has also been observed that when employees are away from work for long periods of time, they build resistance to coming back to work. This mindset is counterproductive for a workplace. It can lead to employee demotivation and unhappiness when at work. A lot of employees also use the workplace to socialise and meet with friends and colleagues. A long gap can leave them feeling lonely which can, in turn, affect productivity. An employer must find out what drives each employee and try to find a balanced solution to building a great workplace. Trying to use a single solution to solve a major problem like productivity may not work very well. Longer holidays have benefits as well as drawbacks which need to be evaluated carefully.
I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement that employers should give longer holidays to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. And for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, it can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factor. Keeping subjectivity in mind, we cannot say that one solution fits all. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
motivation for working and coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for monetary benefits while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
enjoy the social aspect of a workplace.

Longer holidays are definitely helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to achieve work-life balance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
would be able to spend time focusing on their health, family and other interests which can lead to a happier life for them. This may not
necessarily
lead to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
as long periods of absence from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can cause the momentum of a project to halt.

It has
also
been observed
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long periods of time, they build resistance to coming back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This mindset is counterproductive for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. It can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
and unhappiness when at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with friends and colleagues. A long gap can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them feeling lonely which can, in turn, affect productivity.

An employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find out what drives each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and try to find a balanced solution to building a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. Trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a single solution to solve a major problem like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Longer holidays have benefits
as well
as drawbacks which need to
be evaluated
carefully
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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