Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at lear one problem that may result. v.1

As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at lear one problem that may result. v. 1
With the industrialization, a tremendous amount of occupations has been replaced by computer-programmed technology. This has resulted in serous outcomes in all socioeconomic sectors around the world. The essay will discuss three of these problems which may cause negative impacts on our societies. Firstly, using high-tech in factories will product more profit for business tycoons and lead to more ordinary citizens living in poverty. Under the technologic advance, robots or digital equipments  not only increase production but also replace many labor workers.  For example, many auto-motor magnates have made huge profits by using computer -software robot hands to improve their production. As a result, many labour workers in their plants have been laid off and suffer from financial difficulties and become poorer. Except worsening poverty, the development of computer technology also has triggered the change of workforce markets worldwide. Not only blue-collar jobs but also white-collar ones have been removed in the job markets. For example, in many high-class restaurants in Korea, robots have been used to replace their waiters and provide entertainment to their customers as well. Finally, advanced technological machines will worsen living environments. In factories, they consume a large proportion of electrical energy. In order to meet their demand, more harmful gases will be released into the atmosphere while generating more electricity. This leads to more air pollutions in our living habitat on earth. In conclusion, high-tech industrialization worldwide has created many drawbacks for human beings and societies. These drawbacks include worsening poverty, removing certain occupations, and producing more environmental pollution. However, all these drawbacks are limited and the benefits produced by high-tech overweight the drawbacks because the general benefits have improved the quality and quantity of our daily lives.
With the industrialization, a tremendous amount of occupations has
been replaced
by computer-programmed technology. This has resulted in serous outcomes in all socioeconomic sectors around the world. The essay will discuss three of these problems which may cause
negative
impacts on our societies.

Firstly
, using high-tech in factories will product more profit for business tycoons and lead to more ordinary citizens living in poverty. Under the
technologic
advance, robots or digital equipments
 
not
only
increase production
but
also
replace
many
labor workers.  
For example
,
many
auto-motor magnates have made huge profits by using computer -software robot hands to
improve
their production.
As a result
,
many
labour
workers in their plants have
been laid
off and suffer from financial difficulties and become poorer.

Except worsening poverty, the development of computer technology
also
has triggered the
change
of workforce markets worldwide. Not
only
blue-collar jobs
but
also
white-collar ones have
been removed
in the job markets.
For example
, in
many
high-
class
restaurants in Korea, robots have been
used
to replace their waiters and provide entertainment to their customers
as well
.

Finally
, advanced technological machines will worsen living environments. In factories, they consume a large proportion of electrical energy. In order to
meet
their demand, more harmful gases will
be released
into the atmosphere while generating more electricity. This leads to more air pollutions in our living habitat on earth.

In conclusion
, high-tech industrialization worldwide has created
many
drawbacks
for human beings and societies. These
drawbacks
include worsening poverty, removing certain occupations, and producing more environmental pollution.
However
, all these
drawbacks
are limited
and the benefits produced by high-tech overweight the
drawbacks
because
the general benefits have
improved
the quality and quantity of our daily
lives
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at lear one problem that may result. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts