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Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
The wide reach of television an online communication, has opened doors for common people, to become famous by showcasing their skills at both national and international levels. I completely opine, that with the advent of these modern communication mediums, every individual received a major boost in self expression. To begin with, various television channels nowadays stream live talent shows. These shows cover wider aspects of natural skills pertaining to singing, cooking, action, dancing and many more options related to entertainment. One major factor in their popularity is that they draw participation from the general public across nation. Also, these shows have nationwide reach. Over the last years, many common people reached stardom level after winning these shows. No doubt this also helps in benefiting them economically as well. Similarly internet has also helped lives of the general public by providing them international stage for showcasing their skills. One major example is online video streaming service provider YouTube. Over the last decade, hundreds of people have benefited through it by showcasing their skills in IT, education, dancing, music and much more. These people have earned the status of false Gods in their respective fields and enjoy following of million of people. Additionally, they also help in generating secondary, indirect employment through ancillary services in the professions across photography, editing, tourism and local hospitality providers. Finally, they also get financial stability by earning advertising revenue, which otherwise they would have never thought of. To conclude, television and the internet have opened the flood gates for every person, having mastery in respective field, to express and present himself for global recognition and the possibility of earning a celebrity status
The wide reach of television an online communication, has opened doors for common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
by showcasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at both national and international levels. I completely opine, that with the advent of these modern communication mediums, every individual received a major boost in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self expression
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, various television channels nowadays stream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
cover wider aspects of natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
pertaining to singing, cooking, action, dancing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more options related to entertainment. One major factor in their popularity is that they draw participation from the
Consider using "public".
general public
across nation.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
have nationwide
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "reached".
reach
. Over the last years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reached stardom level after winning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. No doubt this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in benefiting them
economically
as well
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
internet has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
Consider using "public".
general public
by providing them international stage for showcasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. One major example is online video streaming service provider YouTube. Over the last decade, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have benefited through it by showcasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in IT, education, dancing, music and much more. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have earned the status of false Gods in their respective fields and enjoy following of million of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Additionally
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in generating secondary, indirect employment through ancillary services in the professions across photography, editing, tourism and local hospitality providers.
Finally
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial stability by earning advertising revenue, which
otherwise
they would have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of.

To conclude
, television and the internet have opened the flood gates for every person, having mastery in respective field, to express and present himself for global recognition and the possibility of earning a celebrity status
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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