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Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. v. 1
To what extent the rich people are richer than the relatively poorer people would be salient enough to affect people’s perception of whether or not they are leading a happy life? This topic has always been under intensive discussion among researchers from economics and social studies. While I suppose no one would deny the fact that income differences are inevitable in any society due to the differences of contribution made by each individuals, the differences are however, from my point of view, should be kept in a reasonable range or otherwise it would create a series of social problems, namely a less happy society. Although the absolute value of household wealth will directly affect the level of happiness of a family as it determines their disposable amount and therefore their living standard. However, human societies are much more complex than separate individual households. Comparing in between each other is one of the many things that everyone naturally does and may cause emotional consequences if the differences of household wealth are too big. Take the United States for example, it has long been scolded by economists and social scientists that the US societies are stratified into too many levels in which 80% of the wealth is in the hands of only 10% of the entire national population. As a consequence, a lot of the crimes, including kidnap and robbery in particular, would take place because of an ill mindset of revenging to the rich people especially in the communities where larger differences of wealth are spotted. Besides the abovementioned potential emotional impacts, the unreasonably big gaps of social wealth might bring other negative influences, which could be even more profound and detrimental, to the societies. When the majority of the money is in the hands of the top levels of the pyramid in a society, it would jeopardize the rightfulness of the decision making process in the societies in that the policies may favour the rich groups rather than the majority of the populations. Hong Kong is a typical city that is rich and developed in general but suffers from severe inequity of wealth distributions. In recent years in particular, the majorities of the people found the government only made policies that were in favour of the big companies and real-estate industry despite that they might be in conflict with the well-beings of the majority. This has led to a less happy society in Hong Kong, which gave rise to increased protests and even strikes in the affected industries. Although it is unnecessary and unrealistic for societies to eliminate the differences in between the rich people and poorer ones, it does not mean that we should tolerate these differences to be exaggeratively big as it will bring a series of severe social problems that may lead to an unstable and unhappy society.
To what extent the
rich
people
are richer than the
relatively
poorer
people
would be salient
enough
to affect
people’s
perception of
whether or not
they are leading a happy life? This topic has always been under intensive discussion among researchers from economics and
social
studies. While I suppose no one would deny the fact that income
differences
are inevitable in any
society
due to the
differences
of contribution made by each
individuals
, the
differences
are
however
, from my point of view, should be
kept
in a reasonable range or
otherwise
it would create a series of
social
problems,
namely
a less happy society.

Although the absolute value of household
wealth
will
directly
affect the level of happiness of a family as it determines their disposable amount and
therefore
their living standard.
However
, human
societies
are much more complex than separate individual households. Comparing in between each other is one of the
many
things that everyone
naturally
does and may cause emotional consequences if the
differences
of household
wealth
are too
big
. Take the United States
for example
, it has long
been scolded
by economists and
social
scientists that the US
societies
are stratified
into too
many
levels in which 80% of the
wealth
is in the hands of
only
10% of the entire national population. As a consequence,
a lot of
the crimes, including kidnap and robbery
in particular
, would take place
because
of an ill mindset of revenging to the
rich
people
especially
in the communities where larger
differences
of
wealth
are spotted
.

Besides
the
abovementioned
potential emotional impacts, the
unreasonably
big
gaps of
social
wealth
might bring other
negative
influences, which could be even more profound and detrimental, to the
societies
. When the
majority
of the money is in the hands of the top levels of the pyramid in a
society
, it would jeopardize the rightfulness of the
decision making
process in the
societies
in that the policies may
favour
the
rich
groups
rather
than the
majority
of the populations. Hong Kong is a typical city
that is
rich
and developed
in general
but
suffers from severe inequity of
wealth
distributions. In recent years
in particular
, the
majorities
of the
people
found the
government
only
made policies that were in
favour
of the
big
companies
and real-estate industry despite that they might be in conflict with the well-beings of the
majority
. This has led to a less happy
society
in Hong Kong, which gave rise to increased protests and even strikes in the
affected
industries.

Although it is unnecessary and unrealistic for
societies
to eliminate the
differences
in between the
rich
people
and poorer ones, it does not mean that we should tolerate these
differences
to be
exaggeratively
big
as it will bring a series of severe
social
problems that may lead to an unstable and unhappy
society
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
471 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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