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Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
The global phenomena of urbanisation have made great strides in our lives. However, the quality of life in big cities is depleting. This essay will discuss the causes of why this is happening and present potential solutions to overcome this issue. To begin with, the primary reason for reduced quality of life in big cities is overpopulation. Large urban cities like Mumbai, New York, Vancouver are known to be a hub of golden opportunities. Many migrate to these places not only to make their own dreams come true, but also to provide a better life for their families. This has resulted in a massive influx of migrants from different parts of the world thereby causing overpopulation. Furthermore, the costs to survive in these cities have reached enormous heights. It is extremely expensive to maintain a good lifestyle after paying huge rental costs, food expenditure, paying for tuition for kids if any, and so on. Most people spend their income in just covering costs for bare necessities and are hardly able to save for keeping up an active lifestyle, buying healthy food or joining a gym. Although, both the government and the public are struggling with combatting these adversities, there can be possible solutions that can be presented by both parties. The government could encourage people to use other means of transport such as cycling, which is easy on the pocket and at the same time boost their health. For instance, in the Netherlands, cycling is seen as a common means of transport for a lot of people to travel to school or work which thereby tackles the issue of overcrowding. From the public perspective, people could try to choose a minimal and sustainable lifestyle by bringing about small changes in their daily routines and thereby reducing costs and consciously choosing to live a more balanced life. To conclude, the quality of lives in modern cities has shown a sharp decline over the years. However, by implementing some policies and changes, these problems can be overcome.
The global phenomena of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
have made great strides in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, the quality of life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is depleting. This essay will discuss the causes of why this is happening and present potential solutions to overcome this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
quality of life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is overpopulation. Large urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like Mumbai, New York, Vancouver
are known
to be a hub of golden opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
migrate to these places not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to provide a better life for their families. This has resulted in a massive influx of migrants from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world thereby causing overpopulation.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
to survive in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have reached enormous heights. It is
extremely
expensive to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle after paying huge rental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
, food expenditure, paying for tuition for kids if any, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their income in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
for bare necessities and are hardly able to save for keeping up an active lifestyle, buying healthy food or joining a gym.

Although, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the public are struggling with
Possible spelling mistake found.
combatting
these adversities, there can be possible solutions that can
be presented
by both parties. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other means of transport such as cycling, which is easy on the pocket and at the same time boost their health.
For instance
, in the Netherlands, cycling is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a common means of transport for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel to school or work which thereby tackles the issue of overcrowding. From the public perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could try to choose a minimal and sustainable lifestyle by bringing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their daily routines and thereby reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
and
consciously
choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more balanced life.

To conclude
, the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has shown a sharp decline over the years.
However
, by implementing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, these problems can
be overcome
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today the internet and TV have created chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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