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Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
It is surprising how common people are becoming popular in no time, thanks to the internet and television. In my opinion, due to the sheer benefits it brings to humanity as a whole, this trend is largely a positive one despite minor misuse by some. To start with, the entertainment industry is dominated by nepotism or by those who have money; thus the less privileged people do not get a chance to prove their talent. Due to this reason, the internet is a blessing for those who wish to achieve fame and showcase their hidden talents independently. For example, apps like Star Maker and TikTok which are especially designed to record videos have gained a lot of popularity and have also made people famous overnight. However, some maniacs can exploit the media and get the fame. Their published contents and views can influence many uneducated and mentally-ill people to follow them. For instance, some channels on social media platform tend to inspire others to carry out acts of violence. They preach violence in the name of Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Sikhism and make the society unstable and prevent economic development. To conclude, it can be said that the internet and television have provided numerous ways for showcasing talents to those individuals who do not have wealth or who are not from reputed families. Despite the fact that these channels could be misused by some miscreants, this trend should be considered as a good one due to the numerous benefits it brings.
It is surprising how common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming popular in no time, thanks to the internet and television. In my opinion, due to the sheer benefits it brings to humanity as a whole, this trend is
largely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one despite minor misuse by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the entertainment industry
is dominated
by nepotism or by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have money;
thus
the less privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to prove their talent. Due to this reason, the internet is a blessing for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wish to achieve fame and showcase their hidden talents
independently
.
For example
, apps like Star Maker and TikTok which are
especially
designed to record videos have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
popularity and have
also
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
overnight.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
maniacs can exploit the media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the fame. Their published contents and views can influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
uneducated and mentally-ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow them.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
channels on social media platform tend to inspire others to carry out acts of violence. They preach violence in the name of Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Sikhism and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the society unstable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
economic development.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that the internet and television have provided numerous ways for showcasing talents to those individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have wealth or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not from reputed families. Despite the fact that these channels could
be misused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
miscreants, this trend should
be considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one due to the numerous benefits it brings.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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