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Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v.24

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 24
Today, with a significant increase in the number of producers for various goods, not only do buyers have difficulty choosing favourable products but also competition between producers to persuade consumers has been become hard and serious. Therefore advertisements play a key role in today’s marketing and so some people believe that power of advertisements is the major incentive for the market growth of buying popular consumer products and necessary needs of buyers is not very important. I agree with this opinion to some extent but I think the main reason for these increase of sale is people’s necessity, not advertisements. On the one hand, producers apply various methods to market their products for consumers. These days, if you see carefully around yourself, you will face tempting advertising slogan on a billboard on streets, on different types of media that surround you and want to induce you to choose their goods. Companies spend a lot of money advertising the products and they use celebrities and famous people to bring their favours into their stories. These methods have been successful in some cases, especially for affluent people who want to be in fashion and able to afford the luxurious goods such as houses, cars and jewellery. So this success is held in a limited circle. On the other hand, an intensive growth of sales of people’s main consumer products is as a result of increasing their needs to them. The role of advertisement in this area is confined to help the buyer choose the best products and not persuade them to buy unnecessary goods. When it comes to vital goods of living, people whether rich or poor do not pay attention to advertising messages that how much or many of these goods they buy. In conclusion, I think that is true the power of advertisement can make people buy their products but this power is limited to rich people and also unnecessary consumer goods so that the real needs of the society dictate the rate of sales.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, with a significant increase in the number of producers for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do buyers have difficulty choosing
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
competition between producers to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
has
been become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and serious.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play a key role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s marketing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is the major incentive for the market growth of buying popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and necessary needs of buyers is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the main reason for these increase of sale is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
necessity, not advertisements.

On the one hand, producers apply various methods to market their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. These days, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
carefully
around yourself, you will face tempting advertising slogan on a billboard on streets, on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of media that surround you and want to induce you to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money advertising the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
celebrities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to bring their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
into their stories. These methods have been successful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
especially
for affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to be in fashion and able to afford the luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, cars and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this success
is held
in a limited circle.

On the other hand
, an intensive growth of sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
as a result
of increasing their needs to them. The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in this area
is confined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the buyer choose the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and not persuade them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
of living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whether rich or poor do not pay attention to advertising messages that how much or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
true the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this power
is limited
to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the real needs of the society dictate the rate of sales.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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