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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you v.28

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. 28
It is commonly agreeable that advertisements are the best way to promote the retail products or services. While the companies are enjoying using advertisements to boost their sales, some peoples do not justify the value of advertisement. One of which they do not accord with is that the advertisement is seemingly an intangible hand to force consumer to buy products or services they are unnecessary. In certain extent, this arguments is truth. This essay aims to exam the argument along with some examples. Obviously, some of the advertising means would significantly change customers' impression on the products, thus affecting their purchasing decision. One of the common practices is to endorse some popular singers or actors to gain the recognition on their product to the masses. However, some furious fans would blindly follow their idol and buy anything their idol use. To illustrate, the advertisements of many cutting-edge mobile phone in Asia usually feature with Korean pop singers because of their popularity among the Asian youngsters. Consequently, the new phone will be found on these youngsters hand whenever the updated mobile phone released. However, reaching the conclusion that celebrity branding may lead to wrong purchasing decision does not mean all other advertising means use the same philosophy. Contrarily to celebrity branding where the advertisement is focusing on the celebrity, a new type of advertisement has been developed on internet environment in which it focuses on user specific needs. Specially thanks to internet giant Google, it has collected all user data and analyse their daily needs, thereby tailoring an advertisement according to their interests. Therefore, customers will no longer buy thing they have no use because of an advertisement. All in all, some advertising means may lead to incorrect buying decision for customers while some are not. Personally, even though companies, on no ground for blame, use advertising as a tools to boost their sales, I would suggest that the companies need to carefully select the wise advertising method as it would have an adverse effect on their company image if the customer finds their product no use at all.
It is
commonly
agreeable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are the best way to promote the retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or services. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are enjoying using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to boost their sales,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
peoples do not justify the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. One of which they do not accord with is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is
seemingly
an intangible hand to force consumer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or services they are unnecessary. In certain extent,
Did you mean "these"?
this
arguments is truth. This essay aims to exam the argument along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

Obviously
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
would
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
Possible spelling mistake found.
customers&
#039; impression on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
thus
affecting their purchasing decision. One of the common practices is to endorse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular singers or actors to gain the recognition on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the masses.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
furious fans would
blindly
follow their idol and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything their idol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cutting-edge mobile phone in Asia
usually
feature with Korean pop singers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their popularity among the Asian youngsters.
Consequently
, the new phone will
be found
on these youngsters hand whenever the updated mobile phone released.

However
, reaching the conclusion that celebrity branding may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
purchasing decision does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
all other advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same philosophy.
Contrarily
to celebrity branding where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is focusing on the celebrity, a new type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has
been developed
on internet environment in which it focuses on user specific needs.
Specially
thanks to internet giant Google, it has collected all user data and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their daily needs, thereby tailoring an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
according to their interests.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
will no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
thing they have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an advertisement.

All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
may lead to incorrect buying decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not.
Personally
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, on no ground for blame,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advertising as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a tool" or simply "tools"?
a tools
to boost their sales, I would suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
need to
carefully
select the wise advertising method as it would have an adverse effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
image if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
finds their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
at all.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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