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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.21

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 21
It is believed that the high sales of trending goods among buyers are the result of powerful advertisement which is not an authentic demand of the market and society. I absolutely agree with this point of view and I think that the majority of the endorsement makes people to purchase for unnecessary items. However, some advertising gives people information about know how product. First of all, the production of the new product doesn’t mean that there exists real demand of the product. Artificial call is created by the marketing team of any manufacture company to sell their products. For example, the promotion of the new iPhone 11 which shows how many cameras it has a high quality of pictures. However, it is not so different from the previous edition of the same iPhone. In the result of this advertisement millions of people bought new iPhones in order to alter iPhone 10 although it was not required so far. Secondly, people do over consumption of goods because of unreliable broadcast and a psychological effect. There are some examples of increasing sales by ‘right’ marketing strategy to change the psychology of human. For instance sales of Orbit gums were doubled after the advertisement on TV where actor used two gums instead of one. Another example is usage of a toothpaste where actor used three or even five times more toothpaste than it was required. All these examples proved that human used goods improperly and sales of these goods would fall down in the case of learning. To conclude, huge manufacture companies make human buy consumer goods which are not necessary by using psychological influence and artificial demand.
It
is believed
that the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of trending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
among buyers are the result of powerful advertisement which is not an authentic demand of the market and society. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the majority of the endorsement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for unnecessary items.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
information about know how product.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the production of the new product doesn’t mean that there exists real demand of the product. Artificial call
is created
by the marketing team of any manufacture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to sell their products. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the promotion of the new iPhone 11 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cameras it has a high quality of pictures.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the previous edition of the same iPhone. In the result of this advertisement millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
new iPhones in order to alter iPhone 10 although it was not required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unreliable broadcast and a psychological effect. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
by ‘right’ marketing strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the psychology of human.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of Orbit gums
were doubled
after the advertisement on TV where actor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
two gums
instead
of one. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is usage of a toothpaste where actor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
three or even five times more toothpaste than it
was required
. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
proved that human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
improperly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
would fall down in the case of learning.

To conclude
, huge manufacture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which are not necessary by using psychological influence and artificial demand.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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