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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? v. 261 v.19

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. v. 261 v. 19
The development of creativity and improving the skills in adults is debatable. Some people claim that a person can improve certain skills and can become creative by spending time with a child, however, others feel it can be achieved by reading a book. It is completely agreed that an enjoyable activity with a child can make an individual innovative and skilful. Analysing the enthusiasm in exploring new things and learning the concept of curiosity about various concepts in children will prove this. Firstly, children are enthusiastic to explore a whole new world. Because, of this enthusiasm their whole thought process is innovative. For instance, my 5 year old daughter made a park with building blocks, which consisted of a play area and a swimming pool. Further, swimming pool in a park is innovative, but for her it was just fun. Moreover, reading any number of articles, journals or the newspapers may not give such creative ideas. In addition, children teach people, not to restrict their thoughts so that, they can produce many new ideas. Secondly, their curiosity to learn new skills is invaluable. For example, a child can draw and paint the objects the way they appear. So, this skill is developed naturally among children because of their curiosity to explore different colours. Basically, they enjoy mixing and playing with these colours. Therefore, by spending some quality time with children, adults can learn certain skills like drawing and painting. In conclusion, children are not only innovative, but they are also curious to explore and learn. Therefore, by playing certain activities with them can make an individual aware of new skills and can become creative as well.
The development of creativity and improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in adults is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and can become creative by spending time with a child,
however
, others feel it can
be achieved
by reading a book. It is completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that an enjoyable activity with a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovative
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the enthusiasm in exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and learning the concept of curiosity about various concepts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will prove this.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are enthusiastic to explore a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, of this enthusiasm their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovative
.
For instance
, my 5 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter made a park with building blocks, which consisted of a play area and a swimming pool.
Further
, swimming pool in a park is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for her it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fun.
Moreover
, reading any number of articles, journals or the newspapers may not give such creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, not to restrict their thoughts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Secondly
, their curiosity to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is invaluable.
For example
, a child can draw and paint the objects the way they appear.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is developed
naturally
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their curiosity to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
.
Basically
, they enjoy mixing and playing with these
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
.
Therefore
, by spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, adults can learn certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like drawing and painting.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
curious to explore and learn.
Therefore
, by playing certain activities with them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and can become creative
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. v. 261 v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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