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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.13

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 13
Nowadays, the number of advertisements has increased a lot in order to sell the product, though the way the product should respond is not responding well. I would agree that the big companies are just trying to make people buy their product, even its quality is reduced. Some products have even had some side-effects on the people. First, If we talk about the product like hair oils, a company promise that their oil would stop hair from falling and by assigning its advertisements to big movie stars, they try to manipulate consumers to buy their product. However, after using it, people realise that it is not making their hair strong and falling is consistent as it was earlier. It is because, the materials they use are not a high quality because if they make a better quality product, one day everyone would not use their product after using it once because the problem would be cured after using it. Second, there has been several reports registered this year against some companies about the side-effects that their product caused after using it. It occurs due to more number experimentation is done and lack of testing of the product is performed. Some companies in order to save their money use inferior quality of raw items to make their product. If the quality of the goods does not improve, it would be not worthwhile wasting our money in order to buy a bad quality of the product. In conclusion, it is not right to invest most of the money on the advertisement instead of improving the quality of the goods. If these products do not give useful results, most of the people would consider not buying it in the future.
Nowadays, the number of advertisements has increased a lot in order to sell the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, though the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
should respond is not responding well. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, even its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have even had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
, If we talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
like hair oils, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
promise that their oil would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
hair from falling and by assigning its advertisements to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
movie stars, they try to manipulate consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
However
, after using it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that it is not making their hair strong and falling is consistent as it was earlier. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the materials they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are not a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, one day everyone would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
after using it once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the problem would
be cured
after using it.

Second, there has been several reports registered this year against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
about the
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
caused after using it. It occurs due to
Use only "number" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more number
experimentation
is done
and lack of testing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is performed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in order to save their money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
inferior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of raw items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, it would be not worthwhile wasting our money in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the product.

In conclusion
, it is not right to invest most of the money on the advertisement
instead
of improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
do not give useful results, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would consider not buying it in the future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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