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Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.11

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 11
All the games and sports that are played between different countries not only strengthen the bond among players of various countries with each others, but also it help to make a tight bond between civilian people. Although events like football World Cup brings excitement and joy, people want their country to win the match, but it also helps to understand that the emotions of both the countries are the same. I would say, the patriotism for your country in a safe way like this, always bring two countries close to each others. First, football is always considered the most popular sport among all the sports. If it is a football World Cup, most of the people generally come out on the streets if their team wins a match. It is the only fight between the two rival countries, where not a single drop of blood has to be lost. Even in a stadium fan from rival team come and sit next to each others. Second, It has always been seen that two countries that are enemies, when they try to raise the friendship with each others, they often organise a sports match. In sports, there is a discipline which every sports person and their supporting audiences like to follow like shake hands with each others before and after the game and praise the winning team even if you do not win the game, these things help to build a strong bond between the people from two countries. In conclusion, Although two countries could be enemies with each other for a long time, this enemy notion among two countries could be broken by playing games with each others and if it is a world cup game, it is a golden chance for both the countries.
All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
are played
between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthen the bond among players of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a tight bond between civilian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like football World Cup brings excitement and joy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to win the match,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to understand that the emotions of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are the same. I would say, the patriotism for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Consider replacing "in a safe way" with the adverb for "safe"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a safe way
like this, always bring two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
close to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.

First
, football is always considered the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
among all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. If it is a football World Cup, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out on the streets if their team wins a match. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fight between the two rival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where not a single drop of blood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be lost
. Even in a stadium fan from rival team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and sit
next
to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.

Second, It has always been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that are enemies, when they try to raise the friendship with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
match. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, there is a discipline which every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person and their supporting audiences like to follow like shake hands with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the game and praise the winning team even if you do not win the game, these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a strong bond between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from two countries.

In conclusion
, Although two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could be enemies with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for a long time, this enemy notion among two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could
be broken
by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
and if it is a world cup game, it is a golden chance for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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