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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care or their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care or their children. with this statement? v. 3
Nowadays, It can be seen that lots of women are going out to work. Women are allowed for the job these days, which was not the case in two decades back. Some people say that due to this, some women are not able to take care of their children and children are lacking in principles and disciplines, which make them an unethical person, when they grow up. However, I would disagree because it is not a woman's fault that her child become a criminal. First, even if the women go out to work, they somehow manage to find out time for their children and every mother try their best to teach their children a moral values. It is not just a responsibility of the mother to take care of her child but father's also. Most of the time children spend their time in schools and after that in coaching centre and then rest of the time in the evening, they spend their time with their parents. So, even if the women stay at home, they could not look after their child every time. Second, most of the cases have been registered against some young children and they are from those families whose mothers do not go to work. A report showed by Delhi Police is that, there has been 50 percent cases of the burglary done by young children who come from such a privileged background, where both their father and mother spend their time with their children. In conclusion, It is not right if a woman leaves everything and just takes care of her child. She also deserves a happy and her own way of life. It depends on child to child. Some children learn good habits and things, while some are more inclined towards learning bad things. So, we should not blame a woman for all this bad thing happen with children.
Nowadays, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are going out to work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for the job these days, which was not the case in two decades back.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not able to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are lacking in principles and disciplines, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them an unethical person, when they grow up.
However
, I would disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not a woman's fault that her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
become a criminal.

First
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
go out to work, they somehow manage to find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
try their best to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a moral values. It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
to take care of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
father's
also
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in schools and after that in coaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and then rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the evening, they spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
stay at home, they could not look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
every time.

Second, most of the cases have
been registered
against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are from those families whose mothers do not go to work. A report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
by Delhi Police is that, there has been 50 percent cases of the burglary done by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from such a privileged background, where both their father and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.

In conclusion
, It is not right if a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
everything and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
takes care of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. She
also
deserves a happy and her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of life. It depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits and things, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are more inclined towards learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should not blame a woman for all this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing happen with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care or their children. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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