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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 12
It is true that we are increasingly surrounded by advertising by companies that want to sell us their products. To some extent I agree that advertising has an impact on sales, but I would also argue that we do need most of the goods that we buy. Advertisements can certainly tempt people to buy products that they might not otherwise want. A good example could be the mobile phone. Every year people can be seen queuing to buy the latest models, even when they already have a perfectly good phone that does not need replacing. Perhaps it is the influence of marketing that leads us to make these kinds of decisions; we want to stay up to date with the latest fashions or own the newest high-status device. The high sales of the iPhone seem to support this idea. On the other hand, I believe that most people do not buy products because of the advertising alone. There are other good reasons why we make these choices, and there must be some kind of need before a person makes a purchase. New versions of products almost always have improved features that buyers may want. A new car, for example, may have greatly improved safety features, or it may be more economical to run, or it may pollute less. A new phone may allow the user to communicate more quickly or effectively, thus enhancing their quality of life. In conclusion, while advertising obviously influences our buying behaviour, I do not agree that people make decisions that go against their real needs.
It is true that we are
increasingly
surrounded by advertising by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to sell us their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that advertising has an impact on sales,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would
also
argue that we do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

Advertisements can
certainly
tempt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that they might not
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example could be the mobile phone. Every year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
queuing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the latest models, even when they already have a
perfectly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
phone that does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
replacing. Perhaps it is the influence of marketing that leads us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
these kinds of decisions; we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to stay up to date with the latest fashions or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the newest high-status device. The high sales of the iPhone seem to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the other hand
, I believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advertising alone. There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reasons why we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
these choices, and there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. New versions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
almost always have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
features that buyers may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. A new car,
for example
, may have
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
safety features, or it may be more economical to run, or it may pollute less. A new phone may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the user to communicate more
quickly
or
effectively
,
thus
enhancing their quality of life.

In conclusion
, while advertising
obviously
influences our buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions that go against their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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