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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.3

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 3
In the contemporary world, it is tendency that more people choose to become a self-employed instead of working in the company or organization. In this essay, I will examine the reasons behind this phenomenon and being freelancer could be considered because of some disadvantages. On the one hand, there are many reasons why people, especially the youth, opt for working as a freelancer. First of all, due to the rapid development of online marketplaces, people have more opportunities to find projects or suitable jobs via the internet that enables them to work at home. Another reason is that being self-employed has more freedom compared to working in the company. Instead of spending the whole day in the office, freelancers have their flexible schedules and design their own plans that fit to their needs and deadlines. On the other hand, there might be risks that freelancers have to handle with. Self-employed will not probably meet their deadline if they do not have self-discipline and responsibility. Moreover, freelancer’s salary depends on the number of projects they work on, which means less stability income in daily life. Meanwhile, permanent job provides a fixed income and other benefits such as health insurance, pension, which seems to be a success in my country. In conclusion, being a self-employed is a rising trend that people tend to maximize their income, which has various advantages beside. However, people still need to consider the disadvantages before becoming a freelancer.
In the contemporary world, it is tendency that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to become a self-employed
instead
of working in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization. In this essay, I will examine the reasons behind this phenomenon and being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
could
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the youth, opt for working as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, due to the rapid development of online marketplaces,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities to find projects or suitable jobs via the internet that enables them to work at home. Another reason is that being self-employed has more freedom compared to working in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Instead
of spending the whole day in the office,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancers
have their flexible schedules and design their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
plans that fit to their needs and deadlines.

On the other hand
, there might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle with. Self-employed will not
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their deadline if they do not have self-discipline and responsibility.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer’s
salary depends on the number of projects they work on, which means less stability income in daily life. Meanwhile, permanent job provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income and other benefits such as health insurance, pension, which seems to be a success in my country.

In conclusion
, being
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a self-employed
is a rising trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to maximize their income, which has various advantages beside.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
need to consider the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freelancer
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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