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Today, the high sales of consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Today, the high sales of consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. with this opinion? v. 1
In recent times, the demand of consumer goods has increased rapidly. Thesedays, the consumption of consumer goods have increased due to the strong promotion rather than the increase of real need. I completely agree with this statement and will elaborate my point of view in subsequent paragraphs. In last few years, power of advertising has changed the buying pattern of consumer goods. Few years back people used to buy those things that they need, however, nowadays, the things which are being purchased are luxurious. For example, the trend of buying new cars has dramatically increased over the past few years. Although, most of the people can not afford it to buy on their own, they take loans from banks and buy it, even though, they do not need of their own car but they just get influenced from bank advertisement. After that, the consumption of ready made food has also increased over the last decade or so. Though, these are extremely bad for health and costly aswell, the sales of these food going high as the time progressing. For instance, there was no concept of freezing food in 1990's, but today, we can find freezing food in almost every house. Although, these foods cause heart problems and as well as obesity problems. Even though, people consuming these foodd more and more, just because of advertisement they see on television or social networking websites. In conclusion, I would like to say that I agree with the statement that has been given in the question that most of the things people buy these days are the result of strong advertisement rather than they need them.
In recent times, the demand of consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
rapidly
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thesedays
, the consumption of consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
due to the strong promotion
rather
than the increase of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and will elaborate my point of view in subsequent paragraphs.

In last few years, power of advertising has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the buying pattern of consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Few years back
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
those things that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
,
however
, nowadays, the things which are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
are luxurious.
For example
, the trend of buying new cars has
dramatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
over the past few years. Although, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not afford it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they take loans from banks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it,
even though
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced from bank advertisement.

After that, the consumption of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
over the last decade or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Though, these are
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for health and costly
Possible spelling mistake found.
aswell
, the sales of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
going high as the time progressing.
For instance
, there was no concept of freezing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990's".
in 1990's
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, we can find freezing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in almost every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Although, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cause heart problems and
as well
as obesity problems.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consuming these
Possible spelling mistake found.
foodd
more and more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advertisement they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on television or social networking websites.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the question that most of the things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
these days are the result of strong advertisement
rather
than they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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